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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27683426">The Duality of Ignis Scientia (formerly "A Life-Changing Journey")</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystaline_323/pseuds/Crystaline_323'>Crystaline_323</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy XV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angsty Ignis, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, I'm serious every thought and feeling and action second by second is in the smut scene, Iggy has some daddy issues, Ignis Losing His Composure in various ways, Ignis backstory, Ignis deserves someone as devoted to him as he is to everyone else, Ignis origins, Kinkier stuff probably to come later, Needy in the dark but right back to badass in the morning Ignis, Outdoor Sex, Porn with too much plot, Shy Ignis, Smut starting chapter 5, Very long descriptive emotional smut, Vulnerable Ignis, kind of failing trying not to be rough Ignis, like seriously self-indulgent overly-obsessive longwinded pining for Ignis, ode to Ignis' perfection, surprisingly rough Ignis, trying hard not to be rough cause he's a gentleman Ignis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:22:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,961</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27683426</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystaline_323/pseuds/Crystaline_323</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You're traveling as a guide with the Chocobros on their journey to Altissia, and lo and behold, you find yourself falling way, waaay too deep for a certain bespectacled tactician. If only the both of you weren't such shy overthinkers.</p><p>You also find out that Ignis is not quite who everyone thinks he is.</p><p>(The smut is finally, FINALLY here.  Chapter 5. *phew*)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ignis Scientia &amp; Reader, Ignis Scientia/Reader, Ignis x Reader, ignis/reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>67</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy XV - Ignis</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Duality of Ignis Scientia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You had been traveling around Lucis with the guys for weeks now. Camping, hunting, finding relics, cooking, exploring – it was all a lot of fun as you goofed around, laughed and got to know the guys little by little while you marveled in breathless awe of the natural splendor of Eos. You had been assigned to accompany the Prince and his guard in their travels to Altissia, mainly as a guide because of your familiarity with the regions of Lucis outside Insomnia. You were born and raised in Lestallum before you moved to the Crown City looking for work. You also had some training and experience in combat, which helped you stand out above the other candidates for the job.</p><p>Somewhere along the way – at some point you can't exactly put your finger on now – you began to feel your heart unexpectedly flutter whenever you caught the glance of one particular member of the retinue. Whenever your hand brushed his inadvertently while helping him prepare the day's meal, your breath caught in your chest; whenever one of you cracked an inside joke that only you two fully appreciated, you tried your best to hide the flush in your cheeks as simply the result of laughing too hard.</p><p>It was disconcerting how off-guard your own feelings have caught you. At first, you didn't give Ignis a second thought as anything more than one of the guys. He seemed reserved, too serious at times, much older than his age, and much too responsible to be interesting. But as the days wore on, various small things about him gradually crept into your consciousness, planting themselves in your mind without you even being aware of it.</p><p>One day, you noticed those beautiful long legs of his. At first in a picture taken by Prompto, then as you stole glances at him at camp, during battle, as he ran through the desert in front of you... You were surprised you never noticed before how perfectly proportioned he was, how tall and regal.</p><p>Then it was how expertly and effortlessly he seemed to move in battle, wielding enough raw strength to take down the gnarliest beasts and yet moving through air and land with the grace of a seasoned acrobat. It sounds an oddly specific and small thing with which to be preoccupied, but you found your heart rate inexplicably increasing as you watched the way Ignis smoothly and coolly tossed Noctis' polearm back to him after using it to take down a gigantic garulessa, not even having to look back to see it land perfectly in Noct's grasp.</p><p>These boys were so battle-seasoned and thoroughly trained that they seemed to move as parts in one well-oiled machine. You tried to contribute in battle where you can, having received a little less Crownsguard-Class training than Prompto and much less than the other three, but often you simply found yourself hanging back while gawking in awe at their proficiency.</p><p>At the end of the day, those same hands of Ignis' which cleared out daemons, beasts and MT's alike with such cool and powerful ease would take on the gentle attentiveness required to prepare exquisite meals and do delicate work such as fixing buttons on Noctis' clothes. The stark contrast of the man's multi-faceted and seemingly-opposed talents took your breath away; you tried to comprehend how one person can possibly be so perfect in such contradictory ways.</p><p>The tactician has a refined, gentle, calming presence, yet is strong, decisive and self-assured when the situation called for it. He is sensible, responsible, the shepherd of the group, yet he has his playful side and is not above playing a round of King's Knight with the guys or jumping in the water excitedly to help bring in Noct's unusually large catches.</p><p>Although occasionally exasperated with Prompto or Noct, Ignis is unfailingly kind, caring and patient to everyone around him where it counts; not to mention his selfless devotion to his King and comrades, his sharp intelligence and quick wit, his elegant sense of style, his sultry, soothing voice and…. who could possibly fail to notice – that perfect jawline, the curves of his lips and those emerald eyes….. even his champagne blonde hair, the style of which at first reminded you of some kind of cockatrice, has now taken on an air of elegant symmetry in the way it frames his face just so. It's not too high, not too spiky; it's just right. </p><p>By this point, your feelings were a runaway train that you cannot control and can barely conceal on a daily basis. It took sustained concentration to keep yourself from staring at him too long, to keep your cheeks from flushing around him, and to keep a sheepish smile from tugging at the sides of your lips whenever you daydreamed about his myriad traits that caused such wild fluttering in your heart.</p><p>Perhaps you weren't doing such a good job of hiding it, or maybe one can only hide such strong feelings for so long without something showing through the cracks, but at some point Ignis seemed to sense something from you as well. It didn't help that you had lots of opportunity to spend time around each other – you were both foodies, coffee addicts, and lovers of spectacular scenery under beautiful balmy weather or a bright full moon. Your common interests were many and you naturally gravitated towards each other.</p><p>Gradually, the feeling of butterflies in your stomach increased in intensity each day – you sensed something from Ignis in return which felt as if it were tentatively inching past the boundary of mere friendship. The momentary brushes of your hands at the cooking table seemed to linger subtly but perceivably longer, more deliberately; he sat a little closer beside you when you watched the sunset together as you often did, enough to feel his warmth against your side; and the friendly smile he would often shoot your way during conversation seemed less merely friendly of late, taking on more of an almost flirtatious quality.</p><p>The both of you were starting to get curious, questioning looks from Gladio, Noct and Prompto, but apparently it wasn't obvious enough yet from the outside to warrant anyone actually speaking up. So, the two of you simply continued with your shy little dance while pretending not to notice the guys' stares from the corners of your eyes. At least, that's what you guessed you were both doing. It was entirely possible that you were simply reading the wrong intentions into Ignis' friendliness, that your mutual affections were all in your head. Considering how smitten you had become with this man, it was admittedly a little bit hard to tell reality from your own wishful thinking.</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>It had been a rather productive day, you and the boys having completed three high-bounty hunts and located one royal arm. By this time you had been in Duscae for a few days, and you had set up camp at one of the many havens that dotted the landscape. All of you were ready for some well-deserved R&amp;R, and Noct, Prompto and Gladio were already glued to their phones immersed in a boisterous game of King's Knight. As usual, Ignis set down to prepare the evening meal and you offered to help. </p><p>"And what would you fancy having tonight after such an arduous day?" Ignis asked you with a slight smile while unpacking some cooking gear. </p><p>"Surprise me," you replied, grinning. Everything Ignis had made so far has been amazing, so you were happy to leave the decision in his capable hands. </p><p>"Alright, garden curry it is. About time I tried to force some vegetables into Noct again." Ignis' smile widened as he looked over his shoulder at you. You chuckled, already struggling with a rising flush in your cheeks. </p><p><em>Damn it, why does he have to look so good when he smiles?</em> <em>He looks years younger when he does.</em> "Sounds good," you answered, trying not to sound like a giddy idiot. "I'll help you chop up the vegetables." </p><p>You found the knife and cutting board then began cutting the vegetables into slices at the prep table, eyes all the while flitting back up to glance at Ignis' back as he rummaged through the cooler for the other ingredients. </p><p>
  <em> Don't stare too hard… Don't stare. Eyes down, keep chopping.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Chop. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> ….I mean, does he even know how attractive he is? Is it possible that he doesn't?  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Chop. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> If he were a regular guy out there, pretty sure he would be crawling with women clinging to his limbs 24-7. Not to mention that he's not even a regular guy, he's Lucian nobility with a longstanding and close family history with the Royals; he's basically the future king's right hand. The ladies would be pouncing. Hell, the boys would be pouncing too. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Chop. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But, I guess with how devoted he has been to his role as Noct's advisor, chef, strategist, bodyguard, friend, etc. his whole life… he really hasn't had time to be exposed much to outsiders or the outside world. He's in a weird situation of being versed in nearly everything BUT romantic relationships… no wonder he seems to have no idea of his own appeal. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Chop. </em>
</p><p>Your eyes flitted up again. Now Ignis had wandered over to the guys – probably to inform them what was for supper – as you guessed the groan emanating from Noct's lips was in response to the prospect of vegetables. </p><p>
  <em> Damn, those long legs of his. And I've never seen anyone pull off suspenders like he does. Of course, on top of it all, he was a snazzy dresser. Gods… I'm weak for geek chic. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Ch– </em>
</p><p>“— AAHH SHIVA'S CORPSE!!!" You yelled out into the evening air, feeling the knife sear through your hand like fire. This is what you get for being so distracted. You barely realized what happened before Ignis was at your side in a flash. You caught the wide-eyed, worried look on his face just before feeling a gush of warm wetness coat your hand. Your gaze shot down, greeted with the sight of a gaping wound which would definitely require stitches. </p><p>“Are you okay Y/N??" Alarm filled Ignis' voice. Behind him, you can see the concerned expressions on all the guys' faces as well, though none with the degree of anxiousness you saw in Ignis' eyes.</p><p>"I, uhh, cut myself," you replied absently, face beginning to go a bit pale from shock. You had a moderate amount of experience in battle, but was lucky enough to have not seen many injuries to yourself or others with you. You definitely never had an injury which drew this much blood, and now the sight of it dripping from your left hand left you feeling somewhat faint.</p><p>Ignis saw you beginning to wobble and took you by the arm gently, leading you over to sit you down in one of the chairs. He grabbed a cloth and quickly wrapped it over your hand, taking your other hand and squeezing its grip over your wound. "Aah..!" You grimaced.</p><p>"Apologies, Y/N. But you must put pressure on the cut to stop the bleeding.” His eyes gleamed in the firelight with concern as they gazed into yours. You complied, squeezing a bit harder with a trembling hand. It stung like a bitch.</p><p>“Oh. My. Gods. I can't stand the sight of blood,” Prompto half-gasped, not failing to be his usual dramatic self. </p><p>"What are you talking about? You see blood all the time during hunts." Noct rolled his eyes slightly.</p><p>"Well it's different when it's coming out of a <em> human </em> , and a human <em> friend </em> too!" Prompto whined back. "Sorry Y/N, hope you're okay.” </p><p>You heard him heave as he disappeared below the edge of the haven, apparently needing to be immediately out of a direct line of sight to your wound. </p><p>“....Wuss.” Gladio muttered under his breath before turning to you. “Are you alright Y/N? That looks like a nasty cut. But I'm sure Iggy will be able to fix you up just fine."</p><p>Noct nodded in agreement. "Yeah, this isn't the first time something like this has happened. Iggy's trained in first aid and fixed me up lots of times when I had accidents during training or hunting.”</p><p>“Indeed.” You turned back to Ignis at the sound of his voice. “You'll need a few stitches for that, Y/N. We don't have any painkillers I'm afraid… and the roads at night are too perilous to attempt to obtain some until the morning. But, we do have some whiskey, and potions to help the healing afterwards.” </p><p>You gulped. </p><p>
  <em> This should be fun – a needle and no anesthetic. I might have to go to town on that whiskey to keep from flailing and putting that needle in someone's eye. </em>
</p><p>Ignis saw your nervousness and placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. Even in your state, his touch sent a tingle through your shoulder and down your arm. "I'll try to be gentle and as quick as I can. It's only a few stitches, and I have a steady hand." You nodded like a five-year-old being reassured that you won't die at the dentist.</p><p>Smiling softly, Ignis handed you the bottle of whiskey. You took it and opened it, the smell immediately attacking your nostrils. <em> I hate the taste of hard liquor… this is gonna burn.  </em></p><p>You took a swig and immediately grimaced. <em> Oh gods that's disgusting. How does Gladio drink this stuff? Ugh. Oh well… this has still gotta be better than feeling a needle go through my hand in full HD. Better keep going.  </em></p><p>You took another swig, swallowing as fast as you could, then another, then another. Ignis let you sit with the bottle for about 20 minutes before returning to kneel on one knee in front of you. "How are you feeling?" </p><p>By now you were starting to feel it. "I'm getting there," you replied before taking another drink for good measure. "The pain is a bit better now."</p><p>"Alright, I'll start preparing then." Ignis reached for the first aid kit, pulled out a curved needle and began sterilizing it. </p><p><em> Oh boy. </em>You didn't want to look at it.</p><p>By the time he was ready, you were fairly gone. As soon as the buzz started setting in, your descent into intoxication happened quite suddenly. Your head felt fuzzy and your eyelids drooped. </p><p>Ignis pulled up a chair and sat close beside you. He carefully disinfected your cut before positioning the needle in his hand. "Are you ready?" He asked gently in a soothing voice. </p><p>"Ready as ahh'll ever be." You slurred, pointedly averting your gaze and focusing on the trees in the distance. You wondered nervously how well the alcohol would really work. At least the guys were courteous enough not to gawk, busying themselves making cup noodles at the other end of the haven now that you and Ignis had completely forgotten about dinner. They knew you didn't need more eyes making you more tense. You doubted Prompto could have withstood the sight in any case.</p><p>"Alright then, I'll make this quick." You felt the cool leather of Ignis' gloved hand on your skin as he gripped your hand gently but firmly. Then you felt the needle – the tip of it cold, then suddenly searing hot as it punctured your skin. </p><p>
  <em> SHIT.  </em>
</p><p>The alcohol numbed your whole body a little, but apparently not as much as you thought it would. There was still a sharp object going through your flesh after all, and you felt most of the pain. “Aah!" You immediately tensed, trying hard to stay still and not jerk your hand away.</p><p>"I'm <em> so </em> sorry Y/N.” It was obvious Ignis was perturbed, his eyebrows furrowed and his lips in a frown. He nevertheless tried to remain steady and keep working quickly as he knew the longer this dragged out, the worse it would get.</p><p>So, before you've even had time to process the first puncture, you felt the next on the other side of your wound and the needle come back up through your skin on that side. </p><p>"<em> Aaah!" </em>You cried out again, a sweat starting to break out over your body. You couldn't help reacting anymore and grabbed hold of Ignis' arm with your free hand in an attempt to let out some of the tension to keep your other hand still. Ignis must have been concerned about your grip hindering his mobility, but he understood and simply repositioned himself to allow you to squeeze his arm while he kept working. </p><p>Your eyes darted around the haven, still refusing to look at your hand. You caught a flash of Prompto covering his eyes and Gladio and Noct with sympathy grimaces on their faces at the other end of the haven before your eyes settled on the trees again.</p><p>And thus you stayed, with a death grip on Ignis' arm, jaw clenched, sweating and panting, while he continued to push the needle through your flesh. He quickly completed one, two, three, four, five stitches in total, but honestly to you it felt like it took a century. When it was done, he placed a gentle hand upon yours, which was still tightly clenched around his arm. </p><p>His voice rose as gentle as his touch. "Y/N, it's done, you can relax now.” You slowly opened your eyes, which you had squeezed shut. You began to realize just how hard you had been clutching Ignis' arm and slowly unclenched your fingers. </p><p><em> Oh no, I must have been cutting off his circulation. I might have even left some bruises. </em>"I'm so sorry…" You began weakly, trying to catch your breath. "I hope I didn't hurt you." </p><p>"It's quite alright, Y/N. I'm not hurt.” He reassured you, a smile in his eyes. He took a potion out from the first aid kit and placed it in your hand. “Here, take this, and I'll go clean up while you catch your breath.” You returned the smile and nodded. You now remembered that the cutting board and knife were still sitting there covered in your blood.</p><p>Eyes still following Ignis as he headed back over to the prep table, you squeezed the potion bottle and felt its effect in a cloud of shimmering mist engulfing your body. You immediately felt the pain in your hand go from a sharp throb to a much more bearable dull ache. You would have loved to have had it before getting stitched up, but you couldn't risk the wound setting from the potion before it was held in proper alignment by stitches. </p><p>You sat there a little while longer, exhausted from the ordeal. The guys came over after a few minutes to ask how you were doing, trying not to look too grossed out in the process, before saying goodnight and retiring to the tent. </p><p>Having cleaned up and put everything away, Ignis returned to check on you, crouching before you to meet your eye level again. "Feeling any better?" he asked quietly. </p><p>You flashed him a grateful and tired smile. "Much."</p><p>Maybe it was the alcohol still coursing through your veins, or maybe it was the euphoria of relief after the pain, but suddenly you felt yourself losing your inhibitions. You were also surprised, shocked really, at feeling something unexpected: the pain was bad, but the fact that it originated by Ignis' hand while he was taking care of you, made you feel kind of… close to him. Not to mention his steady touch guiding you through such a harrowing experience… It was a weird feeling to say the least but not one that you would say you didn't like.</p><p>All this gave rise to an uncontrollable impulse in you in the moment. In a swift movement, you reached out to graze your fingers lightly along Ignis' jawline while planting a kiss on his cheek. You were exhausted, weak and drunk, so your kiss missed slightly and ended up landing right near his temple, very close to his eye. His skin was soft and warm, and smelled <b> <em>so</em> </b> good. </p><p>"Thank you so much for fixing me Iggy."</p><p>It was hard to tell in the dim firelight and at the angle that Ignis had turned his face, but you thought you saw momentary surprise in his eyes before they glazed over, and a shiver at your touch as a crimson blush flooded his cheeks and an embarrassed smile overtook his lips. You had never seen Ignis blush before, he was always so cool and collected.</p><p>"You're very welcome, Y/N.” He seemed to compose himself and turned back to you. “Now, let's get you inside for some much needed rest.” You nodded, and he took your hand and helped you up out of the chair and into the tent.</p><p>You both took your usual places on one side of the tent, next to each other. But tonight you felt Ignis lie just a little bit closer to you, the heat from his back feeling just a little bit stronger. Perhaps he wanted to be a little bit closer in case you needed anything in the night. You were still injured, after all. Whatever it was, it left a blissful smile on your face as you quickly drifted off into a blessed slumber.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p><p>The next morning you awoke to the wonderful aroma of Ebony and something cooking for breakfast. You were starving at this point, having completely lost your appetite the night before from alcohol and pain. You worried for a second whether Ignis was as hungry as you were, he also having forgotten to feed himself last night to take care of you.</p><p>You couldn't wait to say good morning to him. You quickly unzipped the tent and crawled outside, the welcome coolness of fresh air hitting your face, to the usual sight of the Bros sitting in the chairs or doing various things around camp with Ignis at the stove whipping something up.</p><p>"Morning everyone," you started with a slightly croaking voice, throat still dry from sleep and whiskey.</p><p>"S'up."</p><p>"Morning."</p><p>"Hey Y/N."</p><p>"Good morning, Y/N.” There was that smile from Ignis again, the one radiating from his eyes, as he turned around from the stove to greet you. </p><p><em> Gods, his eyes are so green in the morning sun….. </em> </p><p>"How are you feeling? You must be hungry." Ignis' question jolted you out of your trance just in time, as everyone would have noticed if you had stared any longer.</p><p>"The pain is almost completely gone, and I am absolutely famished." You replied, eyes soft.</p><p>Ignis said nothing, simply walking over and promptly placing a plate with a perfect-looking croque madame in your hands. It was exactly what you wanted and needed after last night. He somehow <em> always </em> knows.</p><p>You beamed, and had barely started digging in when you smelled and saw in the corner of your eye a steaming cup of Ebony being lowered to your side by a gloved hand. The aroma hitting your nostrils made your eyes roll back in your head; you took a deep breath and exhaled with a sigh. Gods, it smelled<em> so good </em>, and even more so to a coffee addict such as yourself after a long night. You looked up immediately to see the knowing grin on Ignis' face; he knew exactly the feeling of the day's first whiff of coffee. Then, to your surprise, he shot you a playful but subtle wink, and you immediately felt like you could die on the spot. You don't think you had ever seen Ignis do that. It took every ounce of your self control to simply smile back instead of imploding in on yourself in a quivering pile on the ground.</p><p>Once you composed yourself, you happily went back to devouring the best breakfast you've ever had, relishing the warm morning sun and gentle breeze on your skin as well as the guys' chatty company. Everyone seemed in good spirits this morning. You were as well, feeling surprisingly well-rested, with no hint of a hangover and the pain in your hand having practically disappeared. The night of rest combined with the potion seems to have worked very well.</p><p>Once everyone was finished breakfast, the conversation quickly turned to what the next step was to be on your journey. Ever since what happened in Insomnia… the group's plans had been turned upside-down to say the least. You were surprised honestly at how functional Noctis and the guys had been, considering he and Gladio had both lost their fathers and all of them had lost their home. </p><p>There's no other choice but to stay functional and keep moving forward, you supposed.</p><p>"We should be heading to Lestallum," Gladio was standing near the edge of the haven, his voice taking on a somber air. "We've kept Iris waiting long enough."</p><p>Noct side-eyed Prompto. “Yeah, if Prompto's finally done with his chocobo races."</p><p>"SORRY, sorry. They're just so CUTE with their little yellow butts, I couldn't resist. But I'm done, I swear. Back to business and saving the world from the evil Empire!" </p><p>"Oh, now I get it. You like them so much cause they look like you from behind."</p><p>Everyone snickered – except Prompto.</p><p>"HEY! I'll have you know my 'do is fashioned with the utmost care and takes a lot of work." He ran his fingers through his hair in an exaggerated motion. </p><p>That was the cue for Gladio to run over and put Prompto in a headlock, give him a noogie and completely mess up his hair, while Prompto struggled and winced under his manly armpit. Noctis joined in the fun by torturing Prompto with tickles to his ribs from behind while he was trapped under Gladio's arm.</p><p>Ignis sighed wearily and you laughed, knowing that meant he would end up doing most of the packing up while the rest of them goofed off. You didn't mind, cause that just gave you a chance to help him while the other guys were distracted. You both packed up in silence, with only a smile of unspoken appreciation passing between you.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi guys, if you enjoyed my work, please consider leaving a kudos or better yet, a comment, so I know you liked it! I try my hardest to write an enjoyable story and feedback from readers like you mean everything to me.</p><p>Even if you didn't like it, I would appreciate feedback about it so I can improve 😄 I don't mind, I just enjoy engagement!  </p><p>For instance, was the stitches scenario enjoyable, or is it weird? I was just writing whatever popped into my head, so I'm curious to know. Thanks!! 😘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Origins and Revelations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You finally get to Lestallum to meet Iris, where you and Ignis discover a whole lot about each other.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soon you were all settled in the Regalia again and heading towards Lestallum. You were ready to see home again, you thought, even though you wished it was under better circumstances. The ride was beautiful but otherwise uneventful, and soon you reached the charming little town. It hadn't changed much since you left five years ago for the Crown City. </p><p>You took it all in again as you slowly stepped out of the car. There were so many memories here… good and bad, and some you wished you could forget forever while at the same time knowing you could never let yourself. Your heart clenched. <em>I have to remember, for her…</em></p><p>"WOW, this place is gonna be awesome for pictures!" Prompto's loud joviality jerked you out of your own head as he bounced around, already snapping pictures at a squirrelly pace of any random thing he sees.</p><p>"Hey, they have a Cup Noodle truck here!" </p><p><em> Well, I see Gladio has already spotted it. </em> You faintly chuckled to yourself. <em> Just like the guys to be able to lighten the mood. </em></p><p>"We shouldn't keep Iris waiting any longer," Ignis characteristically reminded everyone. "Photography and Cup Noodles can wait."</p><p>Gladio refocused himself quickly enough; it was his sister after all and he had been the one mostly pushing to meet with her sooner. Prompto pouted a bit, but gave in without a fight. It was obvious he was just a tad terrified of Ignis. You chuckled to yourself again.</p><p>With that you all made your way into the town's winding streets. It was strange getting reacquainted with a place you had not seen in what felt like forever, and which yet still felt so familiar. You had gotten so used to Insomnia by now, its incessant energy having quickly immersed you and permeated your reality within months of you settling there. The Crown City was the kind of place that felt like the entire world while you were in it. It had a way of commanding all your attention and pushing everything else back into the recesses of your mind, including your past and the deeply seated pain that accompanied it. </p><p>And now, to be back in these quaint little streets, old feelings you had forgotten rushing back like a wave, felt oddly surreal. Once upon a time, Insomnia was not your whole world. But it had become so, and now, it was gone. You can't imagine what it must be like for the guys, having known nothing but the Crown City their whole lives, now unable to return for gods know how long. </p><p><em> Do they feel like they've been shut out of the world? </em>You wondered melancholically.</p><p>Just as your thoughts were getting a little too deep, the sight of the Leville's entrance pulled you back to the present. </p><p>
  <em> No time to dwell, time to keep moving. </em>
</p><p>You walked through the doors and the group finally met up with Iris in the lobby. She was a young, bubbly girl; you could see why Gladiolus was protective of her. She also clearly had a thing for Noct, of which he appeared to be completely oblivious. You found the whole thing quite amusing. </p><p>The Amicitia family chamberlain, Jared, and his grandson Talcott were also waiting for you all when you arrived. It was a lucky thing the Crownsguard was able to help them escape; else you wouldn't be able to imagine how an elderly gentleman, a young boy and a teenage girl would have been able to escape the carnage in Insomnia with nary a scratch on them. </p><p>After a round of greetings, Ignis secured the group a room and Jared and his grandson left the rest of you to catch up. Once you reached your room, Ignis pulled you aside while Iris and the guys plopped on the couch and beds.</p><p>"I think we best take a look at those stitches."</p><p>"They feel fine Iggy, you did a great job." </p><p>"I would still feel better if I had a look to check for any signs of infection. The last thing we need is an incapacitated guide on our journey." </p><p>You knew there was no arguing with Ignis once he had his mind set on something, so you silently acquiesced when he motioned for you to have a seat at the table.</p><p>You laid your arm on the table and Ignis proceeded to gingerly unwrap the bandages from your hand. You felt his leather-clad fingers lightly touch your skin as you took advantage of his intense concentration on your stitches to study the details of his face. His eyebrows were slightly scrunched together, emerald eyes narrowed as they slowly scanned each stitch, studying the skin around them.</p><p>
  <em> Gods, he looks so damn sexy when he's concentrating.  </em>
</p><p>Your eyes followed the graceful curve of his jawline and then along the meandering path of his profile – along the chin that delicately jutted forward, up the bow-like curves of smooth, slightly pouting lips, then sharply moving forward again to round the tip of a high nose, before gradually sloping back to one last bump of an eyebrow ridge over deep-set eyes, and finally settling into the subtle slant of a strong forehead. You were entranced. </p><p>
  <em> His face is like poetry.  </em>
</p><p>You knew you were being cheesy but you didn't care. His face is somehow so masculine yet graceful, so strong yet elegant, all at once. How on Eos had you not noticed it at the beginning? </p><p>He was an unfathomable beauty, his face a perfect marriage of sublime contradictions, just like everything else about him…..</p><p>Just then, you felt something at the fringes of your reverie, snapping out of it long enough to look up. </p><p>You must have a sixth sense, as your eyes immediately met with Gladio's, which were studying your face as intensely as you had been studying Ignis'. Only, Gladio's expression was one of curious suspicion, one eyebrow raised and eyes squinting in a seeming effort to figure out what was going through your head.</p><p>You, on the other hand, supposed that you must have looked like a drunk – eyes glazed over, cheeks flushed, mouth hanging open. At that thought, your face burned even hotter, as more blood rushed to your cheeks in embarrassment. The room was starting to feel like a sauna. You could only thank the Astrals that at least this time, you weren't handling any sharp objects.</p><p>“Alright, no signs of infection.” Ignis' voice almost made you jump. There was definitely no time now for your face to cool down before he looked up at you. You tried to play it off like you weren't just caught staring.</p><p>"Great. When can I get them out?" </p><p>You can tell Ignis was equally trying not to look puzzled by the bright red flush in your face. "In approximately one to two weeks. I will continue to monitor the wound. In the meantime, try not to put too much strain on that hand or disturb the stitches. Clean the area regularly and gently."</p><p>"Yes, sir." You playfully saluted Ignis before your eyes flitted back over to Gladio for a split second. He seemed to have turned away and resumed his conversation with the rest of the gang, who appeared oblivious to everything happening on your side of the room. Thank Ramuh.</p><p>“Well, I think I'm gonna go out and get some air,” you announced as you stood up from the table.</p><p>You needed to get out of that room and cool off. </p><p>Ignis paused, seeming to think for a second. “Do you mind if I join you, Y/N? It's a lovely evening and I hear the view from Lestallum's outlook is incomparable."</p><p>Your throat parched up. <em> Great Astrals above, please stop toying with me. So much for cooling off and catching my breath. </em></p><p>"Of course." You tried to smile normally but you felt like it came out lopsided and awkward. You started towards the door, taking the opportunity for a discreet look backwards at everyone on the couch and bed while you swung the door open. Prompto and Iris were talking excitedly about something and not paying attention, but Gladio and Noct didn't hide the curious frowns on their faces as they watched you.</p><p><em> Shit. Well this is just excellent. I love feeling like there's a spotlight on me. </em>You tried to ignore how naked you felt, shutting the door and continuing outside with Ignis right behind you.</p><p>
  <em> When was the last time Ignis and I were alone?  </em>
</p><p>You tried to remember as you exited the Leville and headed across the fountain square. There was an awkward silence as Ignis kept pace beside you, try as you both did not to make it so. It just seemed neither of you knew what to say at that moment.</p><p>
  <em> I think the last time we were alone, really alone, was at least a few weeks ago. We had gone off to watch the sunset, sitting with legs swung over the edge of an outcrop of rock overlooking Duscae. It didn't feel this awkward and nerve-wracking then… so why does it now...?  </em>
</p><p>Before long you reached the viewing platform. It was indeed a beautiful night; a bright and full moon in a nearly cloudless sky lit up the whole landscape, glistening off the arches of stone rising out of a light mist in the distance. Glowing, orange and blue swirls of aurora-like haze clung around the pinnacles of rock jutting skyward from the Disc of Cauthess. Up above, the sky shimmered with a million stars. </p><p>You missed this sight; you had forgotten how long it has been since the last time you saw it.</p><p>"Absolutely breathtaking," sighed Ignis, and the vague awkwardness you felt was suddenly replaced by a nervous tension as goosebumps rose on your skin at the sensuous quality of his voice.</p><p>"It is, isn't it," you managed to reply in a hushed tone. It was unusually quiet tonight, you two being the only ones around with the exception of one or two couples on the far end of the platform. You felt as if the air itself was fragile, and would break if you dared speak any louder than a near whisper.</p><p>"Come, have a seat with me." Ignis gestured over to a bench near the platform's edge, with a clear line of sight to the Disc. You obliged, following him and sitting down.</p><p>"So, how does it feel to be back home?" He asked, turning toward you. Your eyes remained fixed on the mesmerizing glow around the Disc.</p><p>"It's… nice… but also a bit strange."</p><p>"Oh? How so?" </p><p>You weren't sure exactly how much detail you should divulge. It wasn't that you didn't trust Ignis; you just weren't sure if you were ready to talk about something so personal. And you also weren't sure if it would make him uncomfortable to burden him with your baggage; for all you knew he simply considered you a casual friend or even just a professional acquaintance, and you were badly misreading his friendliness.</p><p>"I... have plenty of good memories here, but also some not so great ones…and some pretty terrible ones." Your gaze fell to your lap.</p><p>There was a pause as you listened to the gentle breeze dance through the rustling trees before gliding over to coolly caress your skin.</p><p>"Do not feel obliged to speak of it if it's an uncomfortable subject for you, Y/N.... but please, know that I am always here to lend an ear should you need me.” </p><p>You glanced up to see Ignis regarding you with concern in his eyes. </p><p><em> Do I look that dejected? </em>You wondered vaguely. But what you really noticed was the sincerity that you felt from him – he really seemed to care, and he was being surprisingly open.  It made you relax and let your walls down somewhat.</p><p>"I moved to the Crown City for more than just the purpose of finding a job," you began with slight apprehension. "About six months before I left Lestallum, something happened that changed my life… it just wasn't the same after that." Your eyes fell back on the Disc.</p><p>"I never knew my father growing up… he died during a hunting excursion when I was a baby.  My mother raised me… we were very close. One day she was at the market when some Imperial soldiers came through. They were apparently looking for a 'Lucian spy' who was discovered in Gralea and had been tracked to Lestallum. They pulled many people aside randomly and began questioning them, my mother included."</p><p>Ignis was listening intently. He didn't seem uncomfortable with your frankness at all. You felt your apprehension finally fade away as you continued.</p><p>"My mother was always a strong, defiant woman, and very loyal to her country and the Royal family. She denied any knowledge of the spy, though even if she knew, she would never have given up the information to the Imperials. Her fearlessness was her mistake… she shouted at the soldiers to leave and refused to cooperate. They didn't take kindly to that of course… And I watched as one of them shoved her, hard, and she fell to the ground in slow motion…"</p><p>Tears were starting to prickle at your eyes now. "..... her head hit the ground with a sickening crack… I rushed to her side but she was already unconscious. She hung on at the hospital for a few days, wavering in and out of semi-consciousness, but she never truly woke up after that… she died three days later." </p><p>You didn't notice that your hands had clenched into fists until you followed the trail of Ignis' gaze down to them. </p><p>"I felt so helpless throughout those days. She was all I had and I just stood there, watching the entire thing unfold. Why didn't I pull her away? I knew her personality and I knew it couldn't have ended well. Or maybe I could have even defended her against the soldier somehow, even just for a split second, just enough for her to step back or get away, just enough that she wouldn't have been caught so off-guard. I felt the dread in my chest building up the whole time, and yet I stood frozen like a deer in headlights. I swore I would never be so helpless – or useless – ever again. I began training and six months later, I left Lestallum. I wanted to find a job in the Glaive, or the Crownsguard – something<em> , anything </em> where I could do something to fight back. But just as much… I just couldn't stand being here any longer.”</p><p>You let your eyes travel back up to the landscape in the distance. As you did so, you felt Ignis' hand settle softly on top of yours. If you weren't so upset, you might have felt your heart start to pound. Instead, your heart just felt heavy as you slowly brought your gaze back to meet his, eyes glistening with barely-restrained tears.</p><p>"Y/N… it's not your fault. You cannot hold yourself responsible for the Empire's cruelty." He squeezed your hand lightly. There was a pause as his eyes took on a faraway stare.</p><p>"I… know what it's like to lose someone you love… and there's always a voice inside that asks if there is something you could have done, even if there was not."</p><p>You listened intently, distracted from your own pain by a spark of curiosity growing within you. Ignis was usually very reserved, and rarely revealed anything about his personal life. </p><p>"I also lost my mother, when I was very young. I was 6 years old when she passed away from an illness that she fought for months. We were living in Tenebrae; she was raising me alone. She was also all I had in the world."</p><p>
  <em> So that's why Ignis has a Tenebraen accent – he's from there. But I thought that he was Lucian… isn't House Scientia a prominent family of the Lucian aristocracy? </em>
</p><p>"I'm so sorry… It must have been so hard for you, especially at that age."</p><p>"It was… and for a long time I felt responsible... like I could have taken better care of her, and perhaps that would have made a difference… but eventually, I learned to cope. I was always quite independent, even at that age. It was a product of necessity. It wasn't easy for the two of us to survive on our own, so I had to mature quickly."</p><p>You listened to the wind in the foliage for a moment while pondering Ignis' words.</p><p>"I never knew that you were from Tenebrae. I was always under the impression that you were Lucian."</p><p>Ignis finally lifted his hand from yours, folding them in his lap. His eyes turned away from you to look straight ahead.</p><p>"I <em> am </em> Lucian…"</p><p>You looked at him quizzically, uncertain why you sensed an apprehensiveness in his demeanor. "Oh? Your parents must have originally been from Lucis then, being of House Scientia? If you don't mind me asking…?"</p><p>Ignis hesitated, thoughts seeming to circle through his mind. After a moment he decided to continue.</p><p>"My mother was Tenebraen, my father was Lucian…"</p><p>Another pause. You were concerned with how suddenly uncomfortable he seemed. You wanted to squeeze his hand and reassure him that whatever he wanted to say was safe with you, but you still as yet lacked the courage to do so.</p><p>"... My mother was a servant of the Citadel – a Royal Chamberlain – originally from Tenebrae. She met my father at the Citadel while she was in service there. During that time, my mother and father began a relationship and my mother found herself pregnant, with me. Upon discovering her condition, she decided to resign her position and move back to Tenebrae to deliver and raise me. My father remained in Insomnia."</p><p>You listened silently, a handful of questions already burning in your mind. But you were careful to be tactful and not to pry, allowing Ignis to reveal as much or as little as he felt comfortable with.</p><p>"One of the last things my mother did before she died was to send word to the Citadel of our situation. She knew she didn't have much time left, and that I would be completely alone when she was gone. Having been a Royal Chamberlain for years, she had many connections within the Citadel. She decided it was necessary to utilize them to ensure I was taken care of."</p><p>You nodded attentively. "That must have been when you entered into Noctis' service, as his advisor."</p><p>"Indeed. I was brought to the Citadel, an arrangement having been secured for me to be raised alongside and to serve the Crown Prince."</p><p>You both fell silent again, as Ignis' gaze stayed locked on the horizon. You knew that there was something he was omitting, that there were gaps in his story he was hesitant to fill. As to the reason why – you could only guess. Perhaps his mother and father had a falling out; perhaps she wanted to raise Ignis among his Tenebraen heritage, but his father was unable to abandon his duties in Lucis as a member of a major house of royal retainers. Perhaps it pained Ignis to think about his father choosing duty over him.</p><p>"... do you ever wonder what it would have been like if your father had been present in your life, Y/N?" </p><p>"I do, all the time. I wonder how different I would have been; I probably wouldn't even be here now. But, even though I never knew him, I know he is still a part of me. He was a hunter – a warrior trying to provide for his family. Some of that must be in my blood, because I had a knack for battle as soon as I started training and it didn't take me long to get good enough to, well, be placed in a position to guide and guard the future king."</p><p>You smiled softly at Ignis, the first time since your conversation started. This night had inadvertently turned into one of unexpectedly heavy subject matter. He managed a smile back, but it was accompanied by a sadness, a wistful vulnerability in his eyes that was the absolute last thing you would have expected to see. </p><p>
  <em> Ignis Scientia… allowing himself to show vulnerability… to me?  </em>
</p><p>Five years ago you would have never guessed in a million lifetimes that you, an angry, scared girl from a small town, all alone in the world, just one in a sea of a million faces, would be sitting here today with<em> the </em> Ignis Scientia, pouring your heart out to him and more shockingly, him pouring his heart out to you. At this moment he didn't feel like one of the most important men in Lucis; he simply felt like a lost soul, and the look in his eyes was more than you could take. You finally found the courage, or perhaps the impulse, to reach over and take his hand. You surprised yourself even further when you dared to pull his hand over to rest on your lap, as you gently held it between both of yours.</p><p>Ignis' eyes lowered as he started to speak again, this time in a near-whisper. “My father… was not of House Scientia. I am not of House Scientia…”</p><p>Your attention snapped into focus as you furrowed your brow, confused. <em> What…? </em></p><p>"I was brought to the Citadel… under the pretense that I was a returning nephew of Aeris Scientia, a trusted advisor of King Regis. The arrangement was to remain strictly the knowledge of only a few, under His Majesty's orders."</p><p>Your eyes began to widen, trained on the side of Ignis' downturned face as a sneaking realization slowly began to dawn on you.</p><p>"Even I was unaware Aeris was not truly my uncle. My mother had told me that he was my uncle and that I was to take the Scientia name after she was gone, as it was my father's family name. I did not question it at 6 years old, however I began to as I grew older. King Regis finally told me the truth at 14, when I was close to discovering it myself."</p><p>Your eyes were the size of saucers now, meeting Ignis' melancholy gaze as he looked up at you.</p><p>"His Majesty wanted me to grow up in the safety of the Citadel without risking any possible political upheaval. The Monarchy's hold on most of Lucis had already been diminished to almost nothing, and the last thing it needed was any excuse for anyone to throw Noct's right of ascension to the throne into question, however illegitimate the claim may be."</p><p>You simply sat staring with your mouth agape. How did they keep this secret for so long?</p><p>".....you<em> ... you're King Regis' firstborn!"</em>  You were barely able to stifle the volume of your voice. </p><p>It all made sense now. Why Ignis never spoke of his family or his parents. Why he was retained as Royal Advisor at such a young age. Why he was able to use magic more proficiently than anyone with the exception of Noct.</p><p>"Please, Y/N, this truth cannot under any circumstances be revealed to anyone. You are the only soul I've ever told. I've been… a bit emotional of late… after what happened in Insomnia and the death of King Regis… and now, here with you, I felt like I could tell you, that I needed to tell you..." </p><p>You understood. Ignis had lost his father too. Your grasp on his hand tightened affectionately.</p><p>"...but no one else can know, <em> ever</em>, especially Noct."</p><p>With those last few words Ignis looked more pained than ever.</p><p>"King Regis may be my father, but I am not a legitimate son of the Lucian line. I am half Tenebraen; I would not be considered to be of royal blood. I have no birthright. Noct is the only true King of Lucis, and I would give my life if need be to see that he ascends to his rightful station."</p><p>
  <em> This… this man is unreal. Does he ever think of himself? Even for a moment? He is so devoted to his duty to Noct and the Crown that it never even occurred to him to make any sort of claim to his lineage, let alone a claim to the throne. He would take his secret to the grave without a second thought. </em>
</p><p>"Your secret is safe with me, Ignis. I promise," you reassured him in the most comforting tone you can muster. You felt a burning urge in your chest to comfort him, to make him feel safe, and cared for, and seen. To let him know that he didn't always have to be strong for the sake of everyone else at his own expense, that it was okay to ask for something for himself for once. </p><p>"...I always knew that father would never be able to acknowledge me publicly. But a part of me had always hoped that, one day, we might have been able to have some kind of relationship in private, to build something. But now… we will never have the chance." </p><p>His voice was barely above a whisper now, and trembled ever so slightly at his last few words.</p><p>You suddenly felt that impulse again. You slowly lifted your hand, your pulse beginning to race. You softly brought your palm to rest on Ignis' cheek; at the moment of your touch he closed his eyes, his body slumped and he exhaled a deep, melancholy, relieved sigh. You knew at that moment that it had been too long since he had been touched, since he had allowed himself to shed the weight of duty and to stop at all to acknowledge, let alone express, the longing and heartbreak that he felt inside. You could hardly believe that this was the same Ignis you had been traveling with all this time – the tactician, the Hand, the one who took care of and planned everything, the cool-headed stoic, everyone's rock. The weight must have been crushing. </p><p>You wondered for a moment whether his consistent habit of wearing gloves was a subconscious way of preventing human touch from unraveling him.</p><p>You gently lifted his downturned face, and his eyelids slowly opened until his eyes stared into yours. </p><p>Those eyes… most of the time they were stern and focused, always observing, analyzing, keen and sharp. Sometimes, they were soft… as he gazed at an orange sunset; when he watched you as you told a joke; sometimes when he looked at Noct. But the look in them now… you had never seen, <em> ever</em>. Like a boy who had been lost for eons, eyebrows arched upwards, eyes narrowed and desperately pleading in pain.</p><p>Your breath caught in your throat at the sight; your eyes watered, your chest ached. And then... Ignis gently leans his face into your touch, turning his lips into your hand and slowly, softly pressing them into the sensitive skin at the very center of your palm.</p><p>The sensation sent a jolt of electricity through your palm and right up your arm. Your breath stuttered as the jolt sent a shiver from your arm, to your chest, right to your core and up your spine.</p><p>
  <em> His lips are so soft and so warm… Oh Six in the heavens above… is this really happening..? Am I really here? Am I dreaming? </em>
</p><p>Adrenaline coursed through your body now as your heart thundered in your ears. You wanted so desperately to kiss him now… no– you desperately <em> needed </em>to feel his lips on yours, the warmth of his breath on your face, his hand on your cheek and–</p><p>You almost involuntarily leaned forward and was startled when you suddenly felt soft lips crash into yours. You hadn't realized that Ignis had leaned forward at the same time, causing your lips to meet with more force than you both intended. </p><p>As soon as you realized what had touched you, your world faded away. Your head spun behind your closed eyelids and your whole body was falling, pinpricks rolling in waves across your skin from the top of your scalp to your fingertips, down your spine and to your toes. You couldn't move for those first few seconds, stunned by the feeling of Ignis' face so close to yours, the warmth of his breath, the scent of his aftershave and his hair and every piece of leather on him. He smelled so good, all over...</p><p>Then, you finally let out the breath caught in your chest, as you heard Ignis do the same. A quivering "ohh….." was all that managed to come out of your mouth.</p><p>The adrenaline immediately took over again, and you were both panting now, heavy, stuttering breaths in and out accompanying movements desperate and frenzied from long pent-up desire. You weren't wrong about his feelings, after all, and the realization sent your head spinning again. You somehow couldn't believe it still. </p><p>Who were <em> you?</em>  What place did you have beside the King and his closest officials and companions? Sure you were friends on this journey, but once it was all over you were certain you would fall right back into your place. And yet… Ignis had never for a second treated you as if you were beneath them. In fact, you felt so comfortable around him it was as if you had known him for a lifetime, not weeks. And now he was kissing you like he wouldn't survive another second without you.</p><p>You curled your fingers around the nape of Ignis' neck, massaging them into his hair. His locks were fine and so soft – but of course they were. One of his hands in turn found its way onto your cheek and his opposite arm wrapped around you at the small of your waist, hastily pulling you in further. You could hardly catch your breath, your lips parting only when one of you couldn't put off taking a breath any longer. You just barely had enough time for another gasp of air before Ignis pulled your face in again and sucked your bottom lip in between his, frantically pulling it in as if it was water and he had been dying of thirst for days, dragging his lips along it before releasing it and coming right back again for more.</p><p>You shuddered heavily as the sound of panting and moist lips interlocking and separating, over and over and over again, echoed through the night air. Each second that passed you wanted more and more, weeks of building tension and hunger finally unleashed. Neither of you could stop and nothing ever seemed enough; your lips were pressed together as close as was possible, noses buried in each other's faces, and yet you still weren't close enough. You parted your lips further and instinctively Ignis followed suit. And then you felt his tongue… it was warm and glided smoothly around yours, his motions gentle but urgent, reaching into you as if caressing you with his hands was not enough. You allowed yourself to fall completely into the moment and caressed him back eagerly. You felt like melting right into him, your grip on his neck and his face tightening, the taste and feel and smell of him making you see stars behind your closed eyes as another wave of pinpricks rolled across your scalp. </p><p>You had no idea – <em> no idea</em>, that all this was bubbling just under Ignis' cool exterior. It was the best kind of shock to you that he was capable of this fiery kind of passion; you were blindsided to say the least.</p><p>
  <em> Oh Astrals, I could die right here, right now, and I would have no regrets. He's killing me, oh Gods he's going to kill me before the night is over… but I wouldn't choose any other way to go. </em>
</p><p>You began to feel faint.</p><p>You took that as a cue to finally slow down, willingness to die by Ignis' hand notwithstanding, because if you didn't stop to really breathe soon you were afraid you really might pass out. </p><p>You forced yourself to gradually cool down a little, and as your mind slowly regained some semblance of coherence, you began to be aware of your surroundings again and wondered just how loud and attention-drawing you two were being. <em> Thank goodness it's a quiet night and not many people are arou– </em></p><p>Suddenly, your thought was interrupted by the clear sound of footsteps heading towards you, jerking you both back to reality. You both pulled apart jumpily and looked up to see who it was.</p><p><em> Oh thank the Six, </em>you thought as you saw that the footsteps were of a stranger walking out to the platform, and not one of the guys. You glanced at Ignis to see a corresponding look of relief on his face.</p><p>You smiled an awkward smile as you both finally started catching your breath, lowering a hand to rest on Ignis' thigh.</p><p>"Umm… maybe we should think about heading back to the hotel… I just noticed that we've been out here for over an hour and a half… it may look a bit… weird."</p><p>Ignis pulled out his phone to confirm the time. "Indeed… I hadn't noticed either how fast the time has gone by…"</p><p>"I guess time flies when you're having fun…!" You grinned and immediately wanted to punch yourself in the face as soon as the words left your mouth. </p><p>Ignis returned your awkward smile as he lowered his eyes to his lap. You both went a vibrant shade of crimson.</p><p>
  <em> Aaaand now it's officially weird. GOOD GOING, YOU COLOSSAL LOSER.  </em>
</p><p>That was maybe the most tone-deaf thing you've ever said in your life, considering everything that's happened tonight. Then again, you don't think you've ever felt about anyone the way you feel about Ignis, so you could definitely chalk it up to an unprecedented case of nerves.</p><p>You stood up from the bench, eager for that car wreck of a moment to be over. </p><p>"Let's get going then." You reached out a hand to Ignis, inviting him gently to follow suit. He took it and stood up. As soon as you were both up, however, you let go. You had no idea what <em> this </em> was yet, if it was anything at all, and you doubt he did, either. You were certainly not ready to be seen walking in holding hands.</p><p>You both made your way briskly back to the Leville. You had hoped that everyone would already be asleep to avoid any questions or awkward stares, but upon opening the door to your shared room, you found you had no such luck. Prompto and Noct were snoring away, and Iris was asleep at the other end of the room, but Gladio was still up, reading a book under the soft light of a single lamp. He looked up as you entered.</p><p>"...Nice night?" He asked, an eyebrow raised. It was a simple but obviously loaded question. </p><p>"Yeah, it was. Really nice out," you answered sheepishly. </p><p>"I think it's time we retired for the night, Gladio. We have an early start tomorrow morning," Ignis interjected, expertly changing the subject without missing a beat.</p><p>You nodded quickly, gladly making a beeline for the bathroom where you quickly changed and finished your nightly routine, then slinking into bed next to Iris. Ignis took his usual place next to Gladio.</p><p>You laid there for a little while, wondering what all this meant going forward. Would you both wake up tomorrow and act like nothing ever happened? That would definitely be the simpler outcome. It's very possible this was just a momentary outpouring of emotion for Ignis at a vulnerable time, both of you having gotten carried away, never to be repeated again. </p><p>Or could this be the start of something…? How could it be though? How would it work, once this mission was over? </p><p>Either way, you were straying into dangerous territory; your attachment to Ignis grew day after day and you were approaching a painful point of no return. You thought until you couldn't think anymore and finally drifted off, not having come to any answers.</p><p> </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Confusion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You and the retinue head out to retrieve the royal arm behind the waterfall.  The unexpected happens.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">It seemed like you had just closed your eyes for a minute before you felt a soft warmth across your face. You took a deep breath, stretched, and slowly pulled your eyelids open to see that sunlight now drenched the room. Prompto, Noct and Iris were sitting on one of the beds, talking. Gladio and Ignis were nowhere to be seen. It seems that you were the last one to wake up; you must have been more exhausted than you realized.</p><p class="western">"Morning, sleepyhead," Prompto started, grinning.</p><p class="western">You yawned. "What time is it?"</p><p class="western">"It's nearly 10 a.m. Iggy and Gladio have already gone to find breakfast with Jared and Talcott. It's nearly lunch time now though, I thought you'd never wake up! I guess it's going to be brunch now."</p><p class="western">You rolled your eyes playfully at Prompto. “Yeah, yeah, I'm up, I'm up.”</p><p class="western"><em>Mmm. Breakfast</em>. You perked up immediately at the thought of coffee outside on this beautiful day. And, you admit, at the thought of seeing Iggy's face after last night. Your heart sped up, equal parts excited and nervous.</p><p class="western"><em>Iggy and coffee </em>–<em> EEEEEEEEEEE.</em></p><p class="western">You cringed hard at your own scumbag brain.</p><p class="western">
  <em>Godsdamnit you are so embarrassing, shut up, you can't be like this. You gotta keep your head screwed on straight, not up in the clouds like a schoolgirl. You're on a mission. Maybe the most important mission of your life.</em>
</p><p class="western">You looked around to make sure the others didn't somehow see your whole thought process just now, gave your head a shake, straightened up and quickly went about showering and getting dressed. When you were ready you all made your way into town and found Gladio, Iggy, Jared and Talcott at the little food stand on one end of the market.</p><p class="western">Jared was looking over the menu with his grandson while Iggy and Gladio seemed to be deep in a discussion about next steps and logistics. They looked up as you all approached.</p><p class="western">“Morning, guys,” you said cheerfully, trying very hard to un-robotically apportion eye contact with everyone equally and not look at Ignis weirdly or differently from anyone else. It was hard.</p><p class="western">"'Bout time." Gladio shot you a teasing smirk.</p><p class="western">"Morning everyone," Ignis replied coolly, seeming to effortlessly manage the neutrality that you had to focus so hard to achieve. You wouldn't expect any less from Mr. Scientia.</p><p class="western">"Come, sit down. We wanted to wait for you before ordering." Jared motioned for you to sit. As the four of you sat down Ignis turned back to Gladio and resumed talking logistics, the whole of their attention occupied by the display on Ignis' phone, to which he was gesturing.</p><p class="western"><em>Ignis – all business! </em>You thought with mild amusement.</p><p class="western">Once you all ordered, he finally turned to address the four of you. "Talcott here has very helpfully let us know of a possible royal tomb location.” He shot Talcott a smile and the boy beamed. “It should be in a cavern hidden behind a waterfall west of here. We set out immediately once we're done here.”</p><p class="western">“Yes, sir.” You looked purposefully at Ignis with a salute. <em>This is going to become a thing,</em> you decided. In return he gave you a short, almost curt nod. You could see Noct smirking in amusement from the corner of your eye.</p><p class="western">You didn't know what else you expected; Ignis was a professional, after all. But come on, not even a tiny little acknowledgement? You were being <em>cute</em> and <em>funny</em> right now, and you demanded the appropriate level of tongue-in-cheek response.</p><p class="western">Not really though; you were just being silly as you tended to do when you were giddy. And absolutely high you were, owing to the night before.</p><p class="western">Soon your food arrived and you happily gulped down your morning coffee. They didn't have Ebony – damn road closures – but it will do. You loved watching Ignis sip his coffee. He was the only one who enjoyed it as much as you do.</p><p class="western">Afterwards, the five of you said goodbye to Jared, Talcott and Iris, and wasted no time getting to the waterfall. You were all very glad to see the cavern hidden behind – that wonderboy Talcott was absolutely spot-on – but your excitement disappeared quickly when you all entered and realized that it was bloody freezing inside. It was an iced-over grotto; how or why it got so cold being in such a hot and humid region, you hadn't the foggiest clue. Of course, none of you were dressed for it, having just been baking under the Lestallum sun.</p><p class="western">Unsurprisingly, the place was crawling with daemons. Between freezing your asses off, the hordes of daemons, and an icy maze replete with slippery ice slides which sent you all tumbling if you took even one wrong step, it was a slog making your way towards the royal tomb.</p><p class="western">As the five of you slowly slashed your way through, you began noticing something which started to unsettle you.</p><p class="western">Ignis usually stuck fairly close by Noct, always keeping one eye on him and seeming to take it upon himself to be Noct's constant guardian, but making sure to jump in to assist the rest of you whenever necessary. But today… he was absolutely <em>glued</em> to Noct's side, never even leaving him once to lend any of the rest of you a hand in battle as he normally did. There was none of the usual group banter; in fact he hardly said a word the entire time, instead staring straight ahead with furrowed brows and a look of intense concentration in narrowed eyes.</p><p class="western">...on second thought, was that... frustration in his eyes…? Or even anger? You couldn't tell.</p><p class="western">All you knew was that he wasn't speaking to or making eye contact with anyone, least of all you.</p><p class="western">As the day progressed you felt your heart start to sink; the flashes of memories of the night before, the whirls of breathlessness and frantic hands and whispered words giving way to a hollow anxiety in the pit of your stomach. You wanted to test him, to try talking to him but he deftly avoided all opportunities for you to do so, and you couldn't possibly make obvious moves with the rest of the retinue around.</p><p class="western">Why was he avoiding you...? Why did he seem upset?</p><p class="western">You felt a pang of nausea when you began to realize.</p><p class="western">He is regretting what happened. Regretting his moment of weakness; regretting revealing his deepest secret to someone who simply happened to be there at the wrong time, just a random girl whom he didn't even know that well. Regretting revealing a side of himself that he had painstakingly learned over the years to conceal at all costs.</p><p class="western">You were wrong… you were <em>wrong</em> about him after all, and you felt like such a fool. To think that the Hand of the King could possibly feel anything for someone like you…</p><p class="western">But the worst of it all was the thought that maybe… maybe he was so upset because he didn't trust you with everything he had revealed to you. Maybe he felt he had jeopardized Noct and the Crown, and he was angry and disappointed with himself for it.</p><p class="western">A new wave of nausea washed over you.</p><p class="western">You felt so, so stupid.</p><p class="western">As you were spiraling down this train of thought, you failed for a split second to notice the cluster of imps that were rapidly descending on you all in another ambush. And you definitely failed to notice the one that was barreling towards your head from above, razor claws outstretched.</p><p class="western">You looked up just in time to throw your arms over your face as you heard a squelch mere inches above your head, and the imp fall to the ground in front of you. You opened your eyes to see Ignis standing before you, his lance sticking out of the now motionless imp.</p><p class="western">Ignis yanked his lance out of the imp in one quick, exasperated motion, then swiveled around to face you as his weapon dissipated in a shower of blue. You simply stood staring at him with wide eyes.</p><p class="western">"Y/N, you HAVE GOT to pay more attention! Are you intent on getting yourself killed??" He stared into you with an unforgiving glare that shook you to your core. Ignis had never raised his voice to you before, or anybody for that matter, so far as you've seen. Even Noct, Gladio and Prompto stopped where they stood and turned towards you both momentarily, stunned at Ignis' reaction.</p><p class="western">The hardness in his voice and demeanor threatened to punch a hole in your chest as your struggle to hold back your tears began to fail. For a fraction of a moment – so quickly you thought you might have imagined it – the pained look you remember from the night before appeared in Ignis' eyes, as he saw the tears welling up in yours.</p><p class="western">But just as soon as you thought you saw it, they hardened coldly again as he whipped his face away from you and went back to taking out the last of the imps.</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wh… what could make him turn so fast, could make him hate me that much…? What could I possibly have done that was so wrong...? </em>
</p><p class="western">You were still frozen in place, but Ignis had turned on his heel and was already marching ahead, refusing to look at you or anyone else. His voice was hard as he addressed you all without pausing or turning his head.</p><p class="western">"We must keep pushing forward. We <em>cannot</em> afford to waste time in these tunnels, giving more hordes of daemons the opportunity to descend upon us."</p><p class="western">
  <em>What is going on...?</em>
</p><p class="western">You couldn't stop shaking inside. This is not the Ignis you've come to know; the contrast from his usual self was so stark that it scared you. Your throat was so tight; you had to clench your jaw to hold back the tears. You had let Ignis down, and it was the worst feeling in the world because you cared about his opinion more than anyone's. You could feel the guys' eyes on you and it just made it that much worse.</p><p class="western">You started to walk forward stiffly when you felt a large hand on your shoulder. "Try not to take it too seriously, Y/N.” You recognized Gladio's deep, soothing voice but didn't look up. "Iggy's probably under a lot of pressure, he's not himself."</p><p class="western">You moved your head in one quick nod and kept walking, staring straight ahead. You had to maintain control and you knew that if you let Gladio try to comfort you any longer, you would probably burst into tears. <em>No</em>. You must disassociate from your emotions; keep your mind on your mission, stay alert, eyes ahead.</p><p class="western">You managed to barely maintain your composure, trying not to think and letting your body take over as you slashed through daemon after daemon.</p><p class="western">You finally reached the tomb, where Noctis wasted no time retrieving the royal arm before you all retraced your steps slowly to the entrance. By the time you emerged at the waterfall, the sun was setting and you were all physically spent. You in particular were emotionally spent as well.</p><p class="western">You were so glad to finally be out as all you wanted was to get back to Lestallum, jump right into a scalding shower and then head straight to bed. You were exhausted and simply wanted to disappear. At a time like this you wished you had your own room, that you weren't forced to be around the group so constantly. Since your run-in with Ignis, you've avoided talking to anyone, lest your shaky voice betray how deeply upset you were. And you've been too terrified to even look at Ignis, for fear of what you might see in his face.</p><p class="western">You ran ahead back towards the trail leading up to the car, impatient to leave. You were almost at the head of the trail when you glimpsed something – something huge – and stopped in your tracks. Prompto almost ran into you from behind as the rest of the group caught up and slowed to see what had you frozen in place.</p><p class="western">…It was a gigantic, slithering midgardsormr. And it was completely blocking the path out; there was no way around it without confronting it.</p><p class="western">
  <em>Shit.</em>
</p><p class="western">You turned around to see Noct, body stiff, unable to take his eyes off the midgardsormr, turning his head slightly towards Ignis.</p><p class="western">"Uhhh, Specs? Instructions…?"</p><p class="western">Ignis' brow furrowed. "Engaging it is risky but so is attempting to avoid it. It is directly in our path and should it pursue us, we would not be able to outrun it…"</p><p class="western">Before Ignis had the chance to say another word, the beast made the decision for you all by suddenly darting towards the group with alarming speed. A resounding crack echoed through the landscape as Prompto took the first shot. The midgardsormr didn't seem to even register the bullet's impact, it apparently having no effect on the speed at which it was closing in on you.</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh, SHIT.</em>
</p><p class="western">You were all not ready for this, and you knew it. Especially after a long day in the grotto which left you all exhausted.</p><p class="western">Nevertheless, Gladio didn't hesitate as he charged toward the slithering beast, greatsword at the ready. Ignis followed closely behind, lance appearing in his hand behind his back as he ran. Noct warped directly in front of the midgardsormr's head, taking swing after swing at its face with his sword as he appeared and re-appeared in midair.</p><p class="western">You and Prompto were the last to enter the fray. Seeing as his gun had zero effect, Prompto summoned a circular saw and sprinted towards the belly of the beast. With great apprehension, you summoned your daggers.</p><p class="western"><em>Shit, what are these piddly little daggers gonna do to </em> <em> <b>this</b> </em> <em> thing? Prompto's bullets practically bounced off of it, and the group's assaults so far seem to be annoying the thing more than hurting it.</em></p><p class="western">With little choice in the matter, however, you ran into battle with nothing more than a fervent hope that somehow everything would turn out okay.</p><p class="western">You went for the tail, slashing as hard and fast as you can, constantly trying to avoid getting thrown gods know how far by the erratic whipping of the tail.</p><p class="western">The rest of the group was giving it their all, but it was looking more and more fruitless as the minutes passed.</p><p class="western"><em>Are we even breaking the skin?? </em>You were getting very, very worried. Again and again Gladio swung at the beast, just to get nothing but a flinch out of the thing before he was thrown back onto the ground. Prompto's saw seemed to have little effect. Ignis had cast ice magic on Noct's sword, which seemed to be the only thing that helped – the midgardsormr wincing and jerking backwards with every hit Noct landed on its head.</p><p class="western">But it wasn't enough. And you were quickly running out of potions and elixirs. The beast was all too often able to incapacitate each of you with one bite or swing of its tail, and the situation was getting desperate.</p><p class="western">All of a sudden, the midgardsormr disappeared in a flash, burying itself under the ground. All your heads turned vigorously, scanning the landscape for the beast to no avail. Seconds later, the gigantic serpent re-emerged, abruptly shooting up from the ground and sending an enormous spray of venom downwards. You watched in horror as the venom drenched Noct, Gladio and Prompto, sending all three of them collapsing breathlessly to the ground.</p><p class="western">"NOCT!!" Ignis called frantically. He tried desperately to run to Noct's side to administer an antidote, but again and again the beast's snapping bites kept him at a distance. Meanwhile, Noct was getting weaker with each second that he laid writhing on the ground. The others were not faring any better.</p><p class="western">You stood there frozen like a deer in headlights, not sure what to do or which direction to go or who to save. Then, before you had any time to shake yourself out of your mental paralysis, you saw something coming at you from the corner of your eye, barely having time to register it before you felt it slam into you with a force you'd never felt in your life. The impact hit like a slug to your chest; it threw you to the ground, hard – another impact that completely knocked the wind out of you.</p><p class="western">You lay there on the ground, unable to get up, eyes wide with panic as you desperately gasped for air, trying to suck it in as hard as you could but your airways stubbornly refusing to comply.</p><p class="western">You were barely aware of the sounds of Ignis' footsteps dashing to your side over the sound of your own choking. You saw the shadow of his silhouette hover over you as you finally heard his voice.</p><p class="western">"Y/N! Y/N!! Are you alright?!"</p><p class="western">You couldn't answer, couldn't breathe. You could only stare upwards with desperate eyes.</p><p class="western">It was then that you both heard a hiss loud enough to drown out your gasping. You turned your head slowly to the side, to see that the midgardsormr had lowered its head menacingly close to a now unconscious Noct lying on the ground. It was eyeing him closely, head weaving slowly side to side, ready to spring downward with its gigantic fangs bared.</p><p class="western">Ignis immediately stood bolt upright, and began racing back to where Noct lay. He got about halfway there before the serpent's tail suddenly tensed, lifting itself high up into the air, ready to slam back down on you.</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh… oh gods… </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>.....this time there's no escape. This time it's just me between this tail and the cold, hard ground.</em>
</p><p class="western">Your eyes darted over to where Ignis stood. From the periphery of your vision you saw the tail starting to come down, the hissing noise all the while unceasingly reverberating in the air.</p><p class="western">At that moment everything – time itself – seemed to slow to a crawl. You saw Ignis' face then.</p><p class="western">His eyes darted frantically between you and Noct, back and forth, over and over and over, in those seconds that seemed to stretch for an eternity. You saw it then. You saw that look – that pure, unadulterated, all-consuming <em>terror</em>. The contortion of his features, his body, his hands clenching into violently shaking fists. The way his eyes squeezed tightly shut and his jaw tightened as he gritted his teeth, bared in a grimace of profound, unbearable agony.</p><p class="western">And in a flash of a moment, an intense clarity washed over you like a wave. You knew – you understood immediately in that one endlessly stretched out second exactly why Ignis had been so cold, so harsh.</p><p class="western">..…and your heart shattered into a million pieces.</p><p class="western">You watched helplessly as the strain in Ignis' face intensified for a split second just before he opened his eyes, everything playing out in slow motion. And then… your heart stopped dead in your chest.</p><p class="western">As his eyelids lifted, they slowly came to reveal an intense magenta hue.</p><p class="western">
  <em>His eyes… what is happening to his eyes?</em>
</p><p class="western">As you squinted to try to make sense of what you were seeing, a dazzling flash of white light emanated from Ignis' position, momentarily blinding you. When the spots finally receded from your vision, your eyes stretched wide at the sight before you.</p><p class="western">A translucent ring of weapons revolved in a blur around Ignis' body as he set a fierce, determined gaze towards the midgardsormr's head.</p><p class="western">
  <em>Is– is that… the Armiger...?? How is this possible??</em>
</p><p class="western">Just then you finally felt something in your chest loosen, and the loud sound of your desperate, wide-eyed gasp for air escaped your lips as time sped back up at once.</p><p class="western">You watched in disbelief as Ignis warped in an instant to the serpent's head, swinging his lance across its face in motions so quick it was but a blur, leaving large gashes in its flesh and beating it back from Noctis' unmoving form. As the tail descended, you saw Ignis' head whip around in your direction, the steely resolve in his eyes dissolving into sheer panic.</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh no… no… he's not gonna make it – there's no time..!</em>
</p><p class="western">The tail was almost on top of you, its size blocking out most of the light from the sky from your vision. You braced for impact, squeezing your eyes shut.</p><p class="western">
  <em>This is it… this is it…</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Mom, I'm so sorry……</em>
</p><p class="western">All of a sudden your eyes abruptly snapped open as the feel of a body materializing on top of you made your heart leap out of your chest.</p><p class="western">
  <em>I– Ignis...???</em>
</p><p class="western">Before you could react you felt a tremendous, crushing pressure as the tail slammed down, directly on Ignis' back as he lay on top of you. You cried out in shock. You don't know how you weren't both crushed or rendered unconscious immediately from the force. It must be the Armiger's power…</p><p class="western">"Iggy?! What are you doing??"</p><p class="western">No response. He simply remained rigid on top of you, shielding you with his body, eyes squeezed as tightly shut as he could.</p><p class="western">The serpent's full attention was now on you both, the skin-crawling sound of hissing louder than ever, growing closer by the second.</p><p class="western">
  <em>No… No… Oh gods no! </em>
</p><p class="western">"Iggy! Iggy get up!! What are you doing?! You have to get up!!"</p><p class="western">Still no response, no movement as he attempted to cover your body as much as he possibly could with his own. The beast was even closer now. You started to panic.</p><p class="western">"Iggy! Don't do this!! Please! Please!!"</p><p class="western">The midgardsormr was almost overhead. You started to squirm, trying to get Ignis to move. He was a lot bigger than you were – you failed to get him to budge an inch. Your panic was becoming frenzied as your mind raced with thoughts of Ignis dying here, having done all he has in his life to sacrifice himself now, here, for you. You began to scream hysterically, flailing your arms and legs in a desperate attempt to push him off, to get him to move even by just a few inches, enough for you to crawl out from under him and draw the midgardsormr away.</p><p class="western">“Iggy! Iggy!! No! ...NO! IGNIS!!"</p><p class="western">You were wailing now, racking sobs escaping your chest, your face red and tear-stained as you flailed as hard as you could under him. To your utter dismay, his only reaction was to wrap his arms and legs around yours, pinning your limbs down tightly like a vice.</p><p class="western">Not even the Astrals themselves will get him to let go.</p><p class="western">The midgardsormr struck, its fangs bearing down hard. You felt Ignis' body jerk as they hit, a strangled cry escaping his lips through gritted teeth. He was still pinning your limbs down, even as the thick scent of blood invaded your nostrils.</p><p class="western">You went catatonic for a second – just a second – before your chest exploded in a heart-rending sob that echoed over the earth.</p><p class="western">“<b>NOOOO!!! IGNIS!!</b></p><p class="western">Nooooo….!! Nooo….!</p><p class="western">…..no… you can't do this… you can't do this… I can't go on... Ignis… please… I can't go on without you…"</p><p class="western">Your cries became weak and hoarse as you reached the limit of what your body and mind could endure. Your throat was on fire from screaming; you were sobbing so hard you could no longer get the words out.</p><p class="western">The serpent came down again. Another hit; another spasm as Ignis' strength around your limbs waned. There was no cry from him this time. Only silence. His skin, covered in a sheen of sweat, slowly and horrifyingly took on a greenish pallor.</p><p class="western">Your sobs gradually subsided as you simply stared up at the sky, your mind going quiet. Large teardrops fell from your eyes down the sides of your now expressionless face.</p><p class="western">
  <em>Let me die with him here then. Let me die with him.</em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Astrals… can you hear me.…? Can you hear me…… </em>
</p><p class="western">………….</p><p class="western">………………...</p><p class="western"> </p><p class="western">…..you would never have guessed… not in a million years… that one of them <em>did</em> hear. They did… or at least, they heard Noct.</p><p class="western">Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him. Limping, weak, but he was awake. And his eyes were glowing intensely, aflame in the way that only the eyes of the sons of the Lucii could be.</p><p class="western">Suddenly the twilight glow faded, the skies darkening. You watched in awe as Noct turned his gaze upward, flashes of blinding light now crackling through the heavens.</p><p class="western">You struggled to see past Ignis, his body now limp on top of you. You could just see enough to make out the absolutely monumental, luminescent shape of Ramuh as he lifted his gigantic staff high over his head. In one powerful movement, he thrust it down towards the earth; the ground quaked thunderously as the staff lodged into it, seeming to set the whole landscape aglow with magma and drawing cracking electricity down from the skies.</p><p class="western">You watched as the midgardsormr twitched and writhed, while miraculously the rest of you remained unharmed by the lightning and the flames. You breathed a sigh of profound relief as you saw the beast spasm violently one last time, before falling lifelessly to the ground.</p><p class="western">As Ramuh's form receded and the soft evening light returned, your mind immediately refocused on Ignis.</p><p class="western"><em>Oh gods oh gods </em> <em> <b>please </b> </em> <em>let him be okay, please..!</em></p><p class="western">You were finally able to lift your arms, bringing your hands up frantically to both sides of his face and scanning his features desperately. You shook him, trying to keep him with you.</p><p class="western">"Ignis! Ignis! Are you alright?? Ignis!!"</p><p class="western">He lifted his eyelids weakly, only able to open them halfway. But it was still enough to make your breath hitch at the sight of such an intense glow, now so clear and radiant, mere inches from your face.</p><p class="western">As the crimson light slowly faded from his eyes, a single tear slid down Ignis' cheek. You finally heard his voice – a barely-audible whisper.</p><p class="western">"..... I'm sorry…"</p><p class="western">It was all he could muster before his eyes shut and his head fell forward in your hands. Your eyes darted about wildly as adrenaline instantly coursed through you.</p><p class="western">“...NOCT!! HELP!! ANYBODY?!! HELP!!!"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So I hope this chapter wasn't too much of a bummer!  ;D If on the off chance it still isn't completely clear why Ignis was being a bit of a grouchy boy, it will be fully explained in the next chapter! Stay tuned and thanks for your patience!  :)  </p><p>Any comments MUCH appreciated!  I especially love engaging with readers and any feedback to improve my writing! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Total Clarity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The group has managed to return to Lestallum, where there is opportunity to heal in more than one way.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So, this chapter is a little bit shorter than the others, this was originally only half of the entire chapter that I wanted to write, but I really wanted to get this out sooner because I didn't want to leave Iggy hanging like he was in Chapter 3.  So, I hope this is okay for now, and I'm aiming to get Chapter 5 out a bit sooner than it usually takes me to make up for it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You had been back in Lestallum for three days now. </p><p>Three agonizing days, mostly spent sitting in a small room in the apartment of an old childhood friend of yours. Thank the Astrals they were willing to extend this kindness; it at least made the doctor's house calls easier and better kept prying eyes away. The hospital was not an option – the dead Prince couldn't very well just show up suddenly at the hospital, especially in his weakened state. </p><p>It pained you deeply, knowing the risk to Ignis of not being in a medical facility, but you all knew that keeping Noct and the group under the radar was of paramount importance to your mission.</p><p>Ignis…..</p><p>He still had yet to regain consciousness.</p><p>Blunt force trauma. Significant blood loss. Four immense, alarmingly deep puncture wounds in his back. Massive amounts of venom injected directly into his bloodstream; it was oozing out of the gaping wounds when the others finally lifted him off you. The doctor said it was a miracle that the punctures missed all his vital organs.</p><p>You hadn't felt this stretched thin, this emotionally and physically and spiritually exhausted, this hollow and a shell of yourself since you sat at your mother's bedside. </p><p>This town… why this town…? Why is it always here; here <em> again </em> that you must face losing yet another person that you–</p><p>You stopped yourself. You couldn't allow yourself to say it, you couldn't allow yourself to think it.</p><p>You turned to look at Ignis with tired eyes. He was still so pale; his delicately handsome face, his whole body seemed so fragile in their pallidity and their stillness. </p><p>As softly as you could, you placed the back of your hand against his forehead. Still cold; still clammy with sweat. You dampened a cloth and gently wiped the perspiration from his forehead.</p><p>Why must he always suffer so...? Why is it always the most selfless, the most devoted – the one with the warmest and most earnest heart who suffers and hurts and pays the greatest price?</p><p>You would give anything to trade places with him. You would do anything for him. You would die, you would kill for him. You knew that now.</p><p>You felt wetness well up in your eyes, and a single tear spill over the edge. Then another, then another until you stopped trying to control the torrent. You knelt by his bedside and buried your face in his chest, taking hold of his hand and listening to the faint heartbeat that you prayed every second would keep beating.</p><p>
  <em> I'll wait for you Iggy. I'll wait right here, as long as it takes. </em>
</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>You didn't realize you had fallen asleep, head still on Iggy's chest, until a soft creak at the door gently jostled you out of your slumber. You blinked, lifted your face from the damp patch that had formed on the front of Ignis' shirt, and turned to look in the direction of the doorway with half-open, irritated red eyes.</p><p>You saw wisps of yellow hair, and a single violet eye peeping in from a narrow crack in the doorway. </p><p>“Hey Prompto. Come in,” you croaked wearily, throat dry. </p><p>“Hey Y/N… how are you feeling…?" he asked, quiet as a mouse. Prompto, the sweet boy, had been delicately tiptoeing around you and your grief for the past few days, trying to tend to yours and everybody else's needs. Out of everyone he was the quickest to recover, with Gladio getting the worst of the venom and impact injuries besides Ignis, and Noct being further incapacitated by the added strain of summoning an Astral. </p><p>Prompto was the only one able to move around relatively consistently, so he took it upon himself to care for everyone the best he could.</p><p>"I'm fine… All things considered."</p><p>"...and Iggy..?" Prompto scratched at the back of his neck sheepishly.</p><p>"...the same. Still asleep…"</p><p>
  <em> Asleep.  </em>
</p><p>Yes, he was just asleep. He just needs his rest before he wakes up and tells you how famished he is, how much he could use an Ebony and a shower. And he will say it with that familiar smile. And your heart would grow warm at the sight... and you would no longer be afraid.</p><p>"...Maybe you should get some rest, Y/N. You've hardly slept or eaten for days… I can keep an eye on Iggy, it's okay–”</p><p>“No. I'm fine here. I'm fine. You should keep an eye on Noct and Gladio. And you should check in with Iris and Talcott, after what happened with Jared–”</p><p>“But Y/N, you can't just stay in this room forever, you look like you're going to pass out–”</p><p>“YES I CAN.” You didn't mean to snap but couldn't help the way it came out. “Yes I can, I can because it's the least I could do. He's like this because of me…” Your eyes fell.</p><p>“Y/N… ” Prompto looked so sad.</p><p>“...we've been over this, Prom.” Your heart ached at the sight of the hurt in his face, but you didn't have the energy to fight anyone for the right to stay by Iggy's side right now. </p><p>".....Listen… we're running low on food and potions. Maybe you could run over to the market and grab some more. You've been a great help, Prom."</p><p>His face lit up just a tad. The sweet child always just wants to help.</p><p>"Alright, I'll run over. I'll be right back." </p><p>You nodded with a slight smile as he quietly slipped out the door and shut it behind him.</p><p>You turned back to Ignis' still form. Intertwining the fingers of your hand with his, you lowered yourself to the floor again and leaned over the bed to press your forehead gently against his temple. You listened carefully to his breathing, slow and faint. Your gaze settled on the side of his face, as you released a sigh and wearily let your eyes unfocus. </p><p>
  <em> Astrals watch over him… please… </em>
</p><p>
  <em> …………………….. </em>
</p><p>Before long you were drifting off again, consciousness slowly fading out, when you thought you felt something. </p><p>…..a twitch..? It was barely perceptible; perhaps you had been dreaming in your semi-conscious state. You lifted your head, eyes scanning rapidly; otherwise every part of you remained completely still as you held your breath.</p><p>Then you saw it.</p><p>
  <em> HIS HAND – his fingers moved. </em>
</p><p>"Ignis..?" </p><p>Stillness. You kept your eyes trained on him like a hawk.</p><p>
  <em> ...there it is, his index finger moved..! </em>
</p><p>You grasped his hand immediately, tenderly but urgently massaging it in yours, coaxing his blood to flow and his senses to awaken. The movement grew subtly stronger.</p><p>"Ignis? Ignis are you awake?" You barely dared to hope, barely dared to imagine those brilliant emerald eyes opening to gaze into yours.</p><p>With a sharp but small inhale of breath, Ignis stirred ever so slightly – his lips first parting subtly, then eyelids fluttering as they struggled to move themselves for the first time in days.</p><p>"Iggy….?"</p><p>Then finally, finally you saw it, his eyelids sluggishly, laboriously lifting. They pulled back agonizingly slowly to reveal bloodshot whites, but the irises were as green as ever.</p><p>It took everything you had to clamp down the impulse to throw your arms around him and squeeze as tightly as you could. You had no idea what that would do to his body in its precarious state. Instead, you placed a hand on his cheek and began to stroke it gently.</p><p>You tried to keep your voice low and soft. "Iggy..! Oh thank the Six..!" The relief you felt was overwhelming.</p><p>When he finally lifted his eyes to look in yours, half-lidded and barely focusing, an unexpected pang of hurt slammed into the center of your chest. You knew you would be emotional, no doubt, but nothing prepared you for this. Your brow furrowed, eyes welling up without warning. Your hands began to shake. </p><p>You had to turn away. So you did, reaching for a glass and the pitcher of water on the nightstand. With great effort you poured water into the glass without spilling and brought it to Ignis' lips. You tipped it gently, trying not to choke him. He sputtered lightly anyway, and you lifted a cloth to softly dab his chin.</p><p>Suddenly, you remembered the doctor's instructions. "I– I have to call the doctor!" You shot up, turning to head towards the door, when you felt a hand grab yours with barely enough strength to hold you back.  </p><p>His voice rose behind you, heartbreakingly soft, cracking with the effort. </p><p>".....please don't leave me… Y/N….."</p><p>You stopped dead in your tracks, eyes suddenly wide, the tears now trickling down your face. You slowly turned your head over your shoulder, almost afraid.</p><p>...there was that lost boy again, the green of the eyes staring up into yours obscured by wells of tears – glistening, threatening to spill over.</p><p>
  <em> Oh heavens… oh gods... oh Ignis– </em>
</p><p>You couldn't take it for one more second, leaping back towards him and throwing your arms around his neck. Tears streamed down both your faces as you desperately pressed your lips into his; taking his head in both your hands, you frantically laid kisses everywhere to catch his teardrops as a faint sob escaped him. </p><p>Brushing his unruly hair away from his forehead between your trembling fingers, you tenderly planted your lips there, not lifting them away as you whispered, nearly broken, into his skin – “...why did you do that Iggy….? Why did you do it….."</p><p>A pregnant pause hung in the air before he found his voice again. </p><p>".....I couldn't bear the thought of losing you, Y/N…”</p><p>Another light sob escaped his lips, more tears dotted the sheets; you actually clutched at your chest.</p><p>"...I couldn't save you both, I failed, I couldn't…"</p><p>Then his eyes went wide with sudden realization. "Is Noct alright? Where is he?? I need to see him–”</p><p>He began attempting to get up, trying to rip the I.V. out of his arm, but he was so weak it didn't take much pressure for you to lightly restrain him back down on the bed.</p><p>"He's <em>fine</em> Ignis, he's okay – he's recovering,<em> I</em> <em>promise</em>. He's just in the other room. You have to lie back down and rest, or you'll disturb your wounds. You can't strain yourself right now. I promise that he's in better shape than you are right now, Iggy…”</p><p>The ache in your heart was overwhelming. "You <em> did </em> save us both, Iggy… you did…"</p><p>Only upon seeing your adamance did he seem to relax a little and settle back down. The panic in his face dissolved back into an expression of anguish.</p><p>"...I'm so sorry, Y/N…..”</p><p>“Whatever for?"</p><p>"...for my behavior that day… for taking out my anxieties on you…"</p><p>You reached for his hand once more. "It's forgotten, Iggy, I understand–”</p><p>“No Y/N, it was unfair to you…" His eyes found yours again. "The fault is mine… after the outlook, I laid awake the entire night… I–" </p><p>He faltered. "...I have been many things in my life... afraid has rarely been counted among them. But after that night, for the first time, I found myself….. <em> terrified </em>.” </p><p>You would say that you never thought you would hear those words out of Ignis' mouth, but at this point you had ceased to be surprised by him surprising you.</p><p>"I wasn't angry with you… I was angry with myself. For the first time in my life I had no plan, I didn't know what to do...”</p><p>He stopped momentarily, the effort of speaking taking his breath away. You lifted the glass to his lips again and he took another sip while you stroked his back, careful to avoid touching the wounds which were still fresh under the bandages.</p><p>“I've devoted nearly my entire existence to the heir's well-being and preparation for his role... It's all I've ever known. But if ever it came down to you or Noct..."</p><p>His head fell forward, hanging low. "...I don't know what I would do. Abdication of duty, or… another unthinkable alternative….."</p><p>He turned to you with guilt in his eyes. "I'd never allowed anything to shift my focus away from my singular mission… But… I've known you only a matter of weeks, Y/N, and already I find myself wondering during the few quiet moments of the day what my life would have been had I not been appointed a Royal Advisor…had I been free from the encumbrances of duty to the Crown.”</p><p>He paused once more, and this time you were unsure whether it was because he had to catch his breath again, or if he was hesitant to say his next words.</p><p>“...I knew I wouldn't be able to keep myself from you of my own accord. So… I tried to push you away… Hoping you would turn cold towards me and liberate me from my dilemma. How abruptly I realized the foolishness of that sentiment when I saw you in harm's way…”</p><p>The sudden weakness in his voice and exhaustion lining his features served to distract you from the icy pang you felt in your heart at his confession. Concern took over your expression as you lifted his face gently, palm on his cheek.</p><p>"Iggy, please, you have to rest. You can't strain yourself like this, you've barely started healing from your injuries…"</p><p>His hand lifted to softly cover yours, his voice  little more than a whisper. "Noct is the only family I have left in the world… and you–”</p><p>He shook his head, the pain in his eyes constant, as if he couldn't find the words to express something at the tip of his tongue.</p><p>"I've put you, I've put myself in this untenable position by my selfishness…"</p><p>At hearing that word from his lips, a wholly unexpected spike of anger and frustration flared in your chest. You pulled your hand away from under his.</p><p>"...selfish…? Selfish?" Your head shook in disbelief. "How can you speak of your 'selfishness', Ignis? Selfish??" You couldn't stop repeating the word – the only way your addled brain could find to express your incredulity.</p><p>“And what, pray tell, is wrong with being selfish for once??" Your frustration seeped into your tone, coming out with an aggressiveness that clashed against your deep urge to be gentle with Ignis in all the ways he deserved.</p><p>"You– all you ever do is take care of everyone else, live for everyone else, sacrifice for everyone else. When are you going to let someone take care of <em> you </em>, Ignis? When are you going to let someone in – for your own sake? Does your life belong so absolutely to the Crown?"</p><p>He was quiet, simply staring down at the floor. </p><p>".....I owe my life, and my purpose, to the Crown… to my father, to my brother… to Lucis…"</p><p>Your eyes welled, face contorting in a potent mix of desperation and yearning. "And have you ever asked what you owe <em> yourself </em>, and those who care about you?"</p><p>You could barely take those sad green eyes that turned up to gaze into yours. Because for all your frustration and the searing ache in your chest, you completely understood the predicament that Ignis found himself in. Perhaps <em> you </em> were the one who was being selfish, asking someone in his position to put himself in a situation where he may have to make impossible choices.</p><p>Your voice and demeanor softened as you breathed a long sigh. "You have to pace yourself, Iggy….. you'll be General to the King one day… your role has hardly even begun. There's so much you have yet to do..."</p><p>You pressed your forehead against his once again, closing your eyes, relishing the slight warmth that was returning to his skin. "I'll be here for you Iggy, <em> always, </em>if you'll let me... Quietly if I must; from the background if I must.”</p><p>Your heart melted in your chest as you felt Ignis' light nod against your forehead. His hand tenderly went to lift your chin, pulling your lips into his for a soft, lingering kiss. Your lips clung delicately together, as if not wanting to separate, when you finally and slowly pulled apart.</p><p>"I want you to know… if ever it was between me and Noct again, I want you to defend your King as you would have in any life where we never met."</p><p>His eyes opened to stare at you, hesitant. </p><p>"It's my duty to defend the King as well… And any Lucian's if the circumstances called for it. It's what I want, no matter what happens."</p><p>His eyes were glistening again. "...I will try my best."</p><p>You exhaled with a tinge of weariness. </p><p>"Besides… I don't want you to have to pull that move with the Armiger again, if you could help it… you could have blown your cover."</p><p>Ignis' expression went blank for a second with the resurgence of memory, then turned to panic – another sudden reminder to a mind still numb from days of unconsciousness.</p><p>"Did– did the others...?"</p><p>"No, I don't think so. They were all out cold when it happened, I think…" </p><p>An audible sigh of relief escaped him. </p><p>"...How did you manage to do that, anyway? I thought only Noct could wield the Royal Arms…"</p><p>"I… don't know. Perhaps the Lucii were aware Noct was in danger and saw fit to lend me the power momentarily, for the sake of the Line. All I know is… in that moment I was paralyzed – I couldn't move – and just as I thought it would tear me in half... it just happened. And then I knew what I had to do."</p><p>You nodded, staring deeply into his irises, as if you knew what you were searching for.</p><p>“Your eyes were glowing… just like Noct's does… and it didn't fade until the astral receded and your eyes fell shut."</p><p>Ignis seemed to become lost in thought for a moment.</p><p>"It took a lot out of me… I couldn't maintain it for very long, not like Noct does. Truth be told, I'm not certain whether I would have had the strength to get up off you, even if I had wanted to."</p><p>Ignis gently brushed a strand of hair away from your face, seeing the worry in your eyes. It didn't last long, however, as your expression quickly became resolute with a tad of irritation.</p><p>"Don't you ever do that to me again. Ever. I can defend myself, you hear?"</p><p>He stared at you blankly, apparently stunned at your sudden shift in tone. Instead of backing off, you leaned further into it.</p><p>"Ignis Scientia – if you die, I'll murder you myself! So help me gods! From now on, whatever we fight, we fight together!"</p><p>More stunned silence. You weren't sure exactly how long you both sat there in an awkward staring contest until, finally, a sudden, small smile cracked over Ignis' lips. Then it spread, as you've seen it do so many times before, to those mesmerizing, translucent eyes of his. </p><p>"Yes, ma'am." His hand touched his forehead in a small salute, and the joy and relief threatened to burst out of your chest. Your cheeks flushed as a wide grin stretched your lips for the first time in days.</p><p><b> <em>There</em> </b> <em> he is. He's back. He's going to be okay; Iggy is going to be okay. </em></p><p>You sighed. Your heart is warm; you are no longer afraid.</p><p>"Iggy…!"</p><p>Your head turned at the sudden exclamation coming from the door to the bedroom. You guessed you were both so busy grinning at each other that neither of you heard the creak of the door opening.</p><p>"Iggy you're awake!!" Prompto ran over immediately, a beaming yellow flash of sunshine, unabashedly throwing his arms around Ignis' neck for a hug. </p><p>Ignis grinned widely even as his posture took on a slightly defensive stance. "Whoa Prompto… goodness. It's lovely to see you too."</p><p>You had to do the work of reminding the excited child of the need to be ginger and careful, though honestly you felt like a bit of a hypocrite considering how you had thrown yourself at Ignis just minutes earlier.</p><p>"Prompto, you have to be careful not to bear hug Iggy right now, his wounds have barely begun to heal. You don't want to reopen anything."</p><p>"Oh! Gods, sorry! I'm just so relieved! We have to tell Noct and Gladio that Iggy's finally awake!"</p><p>"Yes we do, Prom," you smiled warmly. "After we give Dr. Altrius a call."</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I was thinking we could end this chapter on a song?  :)  I always like to have certain songs in my mind to inspire me and represent characters and storylines.  I've always loved the song below for Ignis in a relationship, especially since the lead composer for Episode Ignis confirmed that the violin is the instrument that represents Ignis :)  &lt;3</p><p>This one is REALLY worth a listen, I promise!  I'm obsessed with how sweet it is and it screams Iggy to me. :)</p><p>"Begin" (Spotify version) - Shallou</p><p>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2eI9L47Otg&amp;ab_channel=MarxMusic</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Finally</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ignis recovers and helps you improve your combat skills.  There's something inside both of you that you can no longer fight.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="western">Weeks passed before Ignis fully recovered. It was honestly quicker than any of you had expected, given the extent of his injuries. Still, the Prince's arrival in Altissia, originally estimated to take a few days, was now stretching into months; not that anything about this trip had gone according to plan even before this point. By now you were almost sure that the world really had accepted that the Prince was dead and the Lucian line ended.</p><p class="western">Not that that was a bad thing at this moment in time; as long as the world thinks Noct is gone, he would remain relatively safe provided he didn't draw too much attention to himself.</p><p class="western">On top of that, though, you wouldn't say you didn't enjoy these last few weeks of relative peace and stability. The respite of remaining in the safety of Lestallum was great, actually; not having to worry about being caught in the dark after sunset far from a haven or town; not having to be stuck in the tent in the freezing cold and rain when the weather refused to cooperate; not having to worry about traveling farther than the market for food or supplies.</p><p class="western">But if you were honest, the last few weeks had been so wonderful mostly because of the time you got to spend with Ignis.</p><p class="western">This time had been different from the weeks you had spent with the group prior; firstly you had much more time alone with Ignis, being content to leave the errands and hunts mostly to the other boys – who had long since recovered – while you stayed behind to watch him; and secondly, something had undoubtedly shifted and deepened in your relationship since the events at the grotto. Now, you felt as if you really got to know Ignis more deeply every day you spent together – both of you having shed your outer layers of decorum and professional distance, at least while alone.</p><p class="western">During the earlier days, you fed him, changed his bandages, helped him to the bath, gave him his curatives regularly to help the healing and quell the pain. As the days passed, he would occasionally wake in the middle of the night, jerking upright in bed, breathing heavily, drenched in cold sweat. You would hear it from your room, being right next to his, with the door always left open in case of just this kind of sudden emergency. When you came to attend to him, you would always place a soft hand on his cheek and ask if he was dreaming about the grotto again. Most of the time he would answer that he saw you lying incapacitated on the ground, a moment away from being crushed; he tried to get to you but his limbs were leaden as if restrained by weights. The moment replayed and replayed in his nightmare until his heart was about to burst, and the stress jolted him awake. You always listened intently, patiently, no matter how many times you heard it.</p><p class="western">Then, he would abruptly grab your face in the dark with both hands and frantically, needily crush his lips into yours, gasping heavily between contact and separation, the need to catch his breath be damned, your face gradually becoming moist from the perspiration still beading upon his as his lips landed anywhere and everywhere in a desperate attempt to feel and to cling to your presence.</p><p class="western"><em>"I thought I lost you, I thought I lost you,"</em> he would whisper breathlessly some nights – over and over, into your lips – during those few seconds when he would pull his back from yours long enough to speak.</p><p class="western">It always took a while, but you would let him pour his anxiety and desperation and yearning on you as long as he needed until he finally calmed, and his breathing gradually slowed in tandem with the frenzy of his lips.</p><p class="western">Then you would gently pull your face from his, dabbing the sweat from it with a cloth. You would lay your own kisses on his forehead, his temple, the spot between his eyebrows, and tell him everything is alright, to get back to sleep. And he always did after that; breaths soft and constant as he fell back into slumber almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.</p><p class="western">You would then return to your own bed after taking one last peek through the door to make sure he was sound asleep.</p><p class="western">How you wished you could simply climb into bed beside him. You would fall asleep yourself afterwards, imagining the warmth of his body next to yours.</p><p class="western">The next morning, it would always be as if the night before never happened; Ignis would be right back to his sensible, sarcastic, quick-witted, occasionally naggy, occasionally exasperated, always responsible, always prepared, always dependable self.</p><p class="western">You never could tell for certain whether he simply didn't remember his nightmare from the night before, or if he was just<em> that good</em> at hiding it. But, something in your heart told you it was the latter.</p><p class="western">Strangely, even after all you had been through together, you still often found yourself as yet unable to completely overcome your shyness around him when not under cloak of night. You still find yourself unable to hold your gaze on his face sometimes when he smiles; you still become a blushing mess at hearing his throaty chuckle.</p><p class="western">He's just so damn gorgeous, so utterly and frustratingly perfect. The way he speaks, the way he carries himself, the way he dresses and grooms. It makes you self-conscious in a strange way – like you are suddenly hyper-aware of your own face. You couldn't bear to look at him at times, which made all the more challenging the secret little game that you two had started to play once Ignis had regained a good measure of his energy and was able to move around regularly again. It was a silly thing; you had forgotten who started it first, but while you were in the presence of the others, you would attempt to shoot winks across the room at each other without anyone else noticing. You both would keep track of how many times you managed to do it in one day, then try to top your record constantly. The longer you could hold it and the more exaggerated your manner of doing it, the more impressive.</p><p class="western">Once, Gladio had actually caught Ignis mid-wink, having swiveled around abruptly to inquire what was cooking on the stove. Of course, as soon as he could stand Ignis had insisted on cooking for everyone again. Caught off guard, he only managed a stuttering "ooh–aah– I've got some s-sand in my eye, it seems," while exaggeratedly blinking, pushing his glasses up, then ripping them off and making a show of rinsing his eye out. There were no beaches within miles and miles of Lestallum, of course; not to mention that Ignis had barely been outside in weeks, and definitely not on that particular day. It was so very unlike him to fail to be quick on his feet, and even more unlike him to appear so flustered.</p><p class="western">The look on Gladio's face as he gawked at Ignis was positively <em>priceless</em>. A bewildered, stock-still stare; mouth slightly agape; one eyebrow raised nearly to his hairline. Never had you witnessed such confusion overtake Gladio's features. Meanwhile, you convulsed violently but silently in the corner of the room, having never struggled so painfully to stifle your laughter in your life.</p><p class="western">You knew these were the moments that you would always remember, no matter what happened next and no matter what the future held for you all. You would always have them, even if the day came that you would part forever – you to your average life once more, and Ignis to his place beside the King.</p><p class="western">Insomnia was in ruins – the throne empty, the fate of Lucis hanging in the balance. The world was anything but okay. But a part of you – an idealistic part, a selfish part – wished you could forever be suspended in this moment in time with Ignis, just whiling away your days, cooking and laughing and keeping secrets and winking at each other across the room.</p><p class="western">The more logical part of you, however, knew these days couldn't last. As Ignis approached full recovery, talk inevitably resumed of the retinue's next steps. You also couldn't very well keep imposing on the generosity of your friend beyond the already protracted time you had taken over her apartment. It was time to move on.</p><p class="western">As discussion turned toward the Disc of Cauthess and seeking the blessing of the next Astral, the Archaean, you began to become nervous. You remembered what happened the last time you were in battle – what you had promised yourself would never happen again, and yet, did. And it had put you, and Ignis, in danger.</p><p class="western">You froze up. When the going got tough; when you had to make a split second decision. When you had to spring into action at a moment's notice – you froze up. Again.</p><p class="western">The price was your mother's life, and almost Ignis', by a <em>hair</em>. You couldn't stand to think about what would have happened if Noct didn't wake up at the moment he did.</p><p class="western">You couldn't take it. You couldn't let this happen again. You had to do something, but leaving the retinue was out of the question. You will not leave Ignis' side for as long as you could help it.</p><p class="western">So, you did the only thing you could think to do. You had to get better, to stop being a liability, whatever it took. So you begged Gladio and Ignis to train you, intensively, before the group continued on. You didn't care how hard it would be on you, how many hours a day you had to train. You were going to become a force; you were going to pull your weight protecting the Prince and the retinue as you were entrusted to do before this mission was over. You swore it.</p><p class="western">And thus you found yourself getting up at the crack of dawn most days for sparring sessions with Gladio, and eventually, with Ignis as he fully recovered. Thank goodness Ignis was less insistent on scheduling sessions at sunrise, allowing you to get enough sleep some days.</p><p class="western">You were slowly improving day by day; reflexes getting a bit faster, ability to predict the opponent's moves a little bit sharper, attacks more focused and efficient. But it still wasn't enough… not yet. You were still far below Ignis and Gladio's level of combat prowess.</p><p class="western">You could only thank the Astrals that at least you were afforded extra time while the retinue tried to figure out how to access the Disc of Cauthess, which, to your collective dismay, had been cordoned off by the Imperials when you last attempted to enter the site. You didn't know how much time it would buy you, but you tried to make every extra day count.</p><p class="western">And so this is why you were presently finding yourself exhausted, bruised all over, being thrown to the ground for the thousandth time by Ignis.</p><p class="western">"<em>Ow! Damnit!</em>" You rubbed at your elbow as you struggled to push yourself up off the dirt, <em>again</em>.</p><p class="western">"You must <em>focus</em>," Ignis reprimanded. "In order to successfully anticipate your opponent's next move, your mind must remain above the arena at all times. You cannot allow yourself to get tunnel vision."</p><p class="western">He reached a hand down to help pull you up; you begrudgingly took it.</p><p class="western">"I'm trying..!" You shot back, frustration evident in your voice. You brushed the dust off of yourself with exasperation.</p><p class="western">"Again." Ignis commanded. He resumed his combat stance, lance in hand. You heaved a great sigh as you resumed yours. You were so sore. Ignis had regained all his strength and agility alright, and then some, it seemed.</p><p class="western">You knew you had begged Ignis to train you; you knew that you would be put through the wringer. You knew full well that it would be years before you could even hope to match Ignis' combat skills; you went into this knowing that it would hurt. You knew all of this. And yet, you couldn't help that part of you – that competitive streak, that pride; that soreness – not physical, but mental, though you were damn well bloody sore all over – at being bested, tripped, pinned down, thrown, <em>wrecked</em>, over and over and over again.</p><p class="western">And now, more than a week into your training, more than four hours into your session, your frustration was beginning to bubble over the edge. The sun was setting by now, as was your patience. Gods know you adore this man; you had asked him not to hold back, but at this point you were a notch away from snapping.</p><p class="western">Taking a deep breath, you lunged at him for the hundredth time that day, daggers aimed forward. Just as you thought you were actually going to land a hit, Ignis parried your attack at the last moment, moving sideways and around you in one deft motion. Your forward momentum continued even as your target disappeared from your path, and you felt a lance strike you in the back as Ignis took advantage of your inertia to send you hurtling towards the ground.</p><p class="western">You hit the dirt with a dull thud, your palms and knees taking the brunt of the force, ache rippling through your exhausted body.</p><p class="western">
  <em>That's it. </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>That. Is. It. I've had it!</em>
</p><p class="western">You scrambled to your feet, seething. You swung around to face Ignis.</p><p class="western">"Bastard!" You shouted, a smouldering glare in your eyes.</p><p class="western">Ignis simply stood there, unfazed. Letting his lance dissipate, he slowly lifted his hand to his face to push his glasses up, eyes all the while fixed on yours, unblinking. His nonchalance was <em>infuriating</em>. Several seconds passed of him regarding you with a calm stare before he felt any need to address your outburst. When he finally spoke, his voice was steady, quiet, matter-of-fact.</p><p class="western">"Well… I suppose I literally am."</p><p class="western">It took your mind a second to register his words; as soon as it did the hostility in your face dissolved in an instant into a stunned stare. You were stunned at how his simple, stoic reply managed to floor you in one second flat. In your moment of frustration, you had forgotten Ignis' secret – the one he had seen fit to entrust solely with you.</p><p class="western">You felt <em>terrible</em>; your mind scrambled for words to explain to him that you were simply not thinking, and not betraying his profound trust in you in order to take a cheap, hurtful jab at him.</p><p class="western">"I- I'm so sorry… I- I didn't mean it that way, I-"</p><p class="western">You were in the middle of stuttering through your sentence when, without warning, Ignis' daggers appeared in his hands, and he sprung forward towards you.</p><p class="western">Caught completely off guard, you failed to parry his lightning-quick attack, and instead stumbled backwards over your own legs. Rather than hitting the ground yet again as you expected, you felt your back slam up against the trunk of a tree. Like everything else today, it hurt.</p><p class="western">Before you knew it, Ignis was nearly up against you – his arm outstretched, his ornate, razor-sharp dagger pressed breathtakingly to the skin at the junction of your neck and the underside of your jaw. If not for the precise control you knew he had over the pressure and angle at which he wielded his weapons, you would have been very worried about losing blood, and a lot of it.</p><p class="western">All you could do was stare at his face, trying to catch your breath. You were done. You were <em>so</em> <em>done</em>.</p><p class="western">"Never allow your opponent to divert your focus away from the fight, and <em>never</em> give them the opportunity to get inside your head."</p><p class="western">You simply continued to stare into his eyes. How were you gasping like one of Noct's fish, while he wasn't even breathing heavily? Has he even broken a sweat? To think, just a few weeks ago he hardly had the strength to grab your hand.</p><p class="western">"The better your opponent knows you, the more on guard you must be to avoid a potentially fatal mistake such as the one you just made."</p><p class="western">You nodded slowly, wearily. You didn't have it in you anymore to respond with any additional effort. You winced slightly at the feel of the blade still against your throat; your neck was getting stiff from holding very still for fear of cutting yourself on Ignis' dagger.</p><p class="western">He noticed you wince, and promptly let the dagger dissolve in his hand. You let out a slight breath of relief. His eyes, narrowed in concentration, suddenly widened a bit at seeing how tense you were.</p><p class="western">"..... I'm sorry… for how hard I've been on you these past few days, Y/N."</p><p class="western">"It- it's alright," you were stuttering again, for a different reason this time. Something had changed in Ignis' expression, something you can't quite read, and you suddenly became a bit uneasy.</p><p class="western">"I was the one who asked you not to hold back, after all…"</p><p class="western">Ignis continued to stare at you, eyes unwavering.</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wh… what is that look?</em>
</p><p class="western">His expression was almost blank. <em>Almost. </em>But there was something else, something subtle, behind his eyes.</p><p class="western">
  <em>It's almost like… he looks… surprised..?? At what? </em>
</p><p class="western">…<em>..How haggard I look?</em></p><p class="western">That thought made you even more uneasy. It was hard enough to be a regular person in front of this beautiful man, but to look a wreck eight inches away from his face…</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh fucking kill me. Bahamut, kill me now, PLEASE.</em>
</p><p class="western">You began to squirm uncomfortably whilst internally begging for death, wanting desperately to escape and hide. Then, another unreadable action from Ignis. His hand, the one that held a dagger to your neck moments before, moved to gently but firmly hold one side of your face – fingers placed at your jawline and neck, thumb holding your chin in place, forcing your face to tilt upwards and your gaze to remain on him.</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wha…</em>
</p><p class="western">Then he leans forward, slowly, towards one side of your head.</p><p class="western">He was close enough for you to feel his breath against your ear as you heard his voice – a whisper, calm and steady as a rock.</p><p class="western">"...I'm not going to hold back. I'm going to take your advice….. I'm going to be selfish today."</p><p class="western">You were beyond confused at this point, but you also felt a distinct jitteriness you didn't quite yet comprehend. And when you felt his free hand moving somewhere below your line of sight, your bewilderment only deepened.</p><p class="western">Ignis was almost flush up against you now, his one hand still holding your face. Your back was up against the tree; you couldn't move your head and you had no idea what his free hand was doing, only vaguely feeling his movement.</p><p class="western">
  <em>Wha- what in the world is happening…? Is he trying to test me again? I seriously don't have anything more in me toda–</em>
</p><p class="western">Then, a sound. A sound that made your mind freeze mid-thought, that made it go blank.</p><p class="western">The distinct <em>clink </em>of Ignis' belt buckle.</p><p class="western"><em>Oh… </em> <em> <b>Astrals…..</b> </em></p><p class="western">Your breath suddenly caught in your chest as your confusion was replaced by a fierce pounding of your heart and goosebumps rising on your skin.</p><p class="western"><em>Clink, clink. </em>The sound was in sync with the movements of his arm.</p><p class="western">You opened your mouth… to say what? You hadn't thought that far ahead. Your bottom lip began to quiver.</p><p class="western">Eyes still locked on your face, Ignis' thumb slowly lifted off your chin to still your quivering; he ran the pad of it softly across your lip in one direction, then the other, then brought it back to rest in the center of your lip. He was wearing his silver gloves, but his thumb was bare, warm.</p><p class="western">You breathed in deeply, the intoxicating smell of leather further stoking the fire in your chest.</p><p class="western">The clinking had stopped... you suddenly felt his other hand come to rest on your hip. His thumb began to caress soft circles over your hip bone; you shuddered from the depths of your core, breath stuttering.</p><p class="western">You had never felt Ignis touch you this way before, not even during one of his late-night episodes.</p><p class="western">Then, he ran his hand a ways down your hip and your thigh… and stopped. This was the first time today that you felt hesitation, apprehension from Ignis. That much was evident from the sudden tenseness of his touch and the concern in his eyes – eyes which had been locked intimately, torturously, <em>unbearably</em> to yours this entire time as your mind reeled, unable to pull away and hide.</p><p class="western">He was asking your permission.</p><p class="western">You knew it – the way you both knew so many things about each other without having to ever utter a word.</p><p class="western">
  <em>Six above, is this really happening..? </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>Do I dare…?</em>
</p><p class="western">You had thought about this moment so many times. Or, to be more accurate, it had invaded your thoughts so many times, uncontrollably, at any and all possible times of day and night. But every time, you would immediately push it out of your head.</p><p class="western"><em>There's no way it would ever happen, </em>you told yourself – <em>I shouldn't even be entertaining the thought. Someone of Ignis' station would never think of me that way. And besides, it would be inappropriate for members of the retinue to be discovered cavorting in such a manner. We're supposed to be professionals, after all.</em></p><p class="western">But who were you kidding. You were just pushing it down, when you thought you'd never have him.</p><p class="western">You wanted this. You wanted him. You wanted him more than anything; you've wanted him for so long that every cell in your body, every fiber of your being ached. And it wasn't from sparring, no. No amount of physical pain can come close to the spiritual burn that now manifested in the violent shaking of your hand as it went to lay over the top of his.</p><p class="western">You must have looked terrified, and you were. It must have been confusing for him. But you hoped there would no longer be an ounce of doubt in his mind as you took his hand, moved it further down your thigh until it was past your skirt, then slowly moved it back up your thigh underneath your skirt and to the edge of the fitted shorts you were wearing underneath.</p><p class="western">His eyes widened for a moment – he seemed stunned at your response. Then they quickly narrowed again in a way that made you want to burst out of your skin, with a fire and hunger that made your whole body prickle with excitement and electricity shoot through your nerves.</p><p class="western">His fingers moved to catch the waistband of your shorts, pulling, sliding them down. You shuddered, hard, as they fell to the ground at your feet. You felt his hand move again, this time hearing a short <em>zip</em> sound of a zipper.</p><p class="western">Then his body was suddenly completely up against yours, his hand taking hold of your leg under your knee and gently lifting it.</p><p class="western">It occurred to you then that you can't see… anything, other than Ignis' face. He was still holding your face up, index finger curled under your chin now, thumb still on your bottom lip. His body was flush against yours. You had absolutely no idea what to expect, what you would feel, what he looked like… it made the anticipation visceral, electrifying, <em>terrifying</em>.</p><p class="western">You held your breath… there was a pause that felt like an eternity of torture. Your legs began to shake – and then you finally felt him, the tip of him, hard against you. And then the push, breathtakingly slow… and then the <em>stretch. </em></p><p class="western">"Ahh–Ignis...!" The air in your lungs rushed out of you at once in a sharp exclamation; you quickly bit back your urge to cry out as soon as you realized that anyone could have been nearby in these woods.</p><p class="western">You then heard a sharp inhale, and a low, husky moan, escape from Ignis. You weren't the only one shaking now. Ignis began trembling noticeably as he finally broke eye contact with you, hand finally releasing your chin to hastily tear his glasses off his face and shove them into his breast pocket. He then leaned forward to bury his bare face in your neck, hand and arm going around you to softly support you by the waist.</p><p class="western">The skin on your neck was so sensitive to the feel of his quivering features, his soft, slightly moist lips, his warm breath fanning over it like a feather. It made your entire body hypersensitive, the electricity traveling in waves over your skin.</p><p class="western">
  <em>Oh Gods…..! </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>I can't believe… I'm here… we're here… like this… together….</em>
</p><p class="western">Ignis continued to tremble as he struggled to enter you as slowly as he can, holding himself back with as much self control as he could muster. You felt yourself stretch agonizingly slowly, centimeter by centimeter, the advancing push against you burning inside the entire way. You had no idea how long it would continue, and you began to keep pace by counting the seconds.</p><p class="western">
  <em>One… </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>two… </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>three…. </em>
</p><p class="western">
  <em>four…...</em>
</p><p class="western">Everything felt so tight, you almost felt like maybe he couldn't go faster if he wanted to.</p><p class="western">But you knew better.</p><p class="western">It was <em>exactly</em> because he could have – but he was too concerned about hurting you to do so – that he struggled to hold back so fiercely that sweat was beginning to bead on his forehead. You felt the dampness of his skin, as well as the intoxicating vibration of his moans muffled hotly against your neck.</p><p class="western">Small whimpers escaped you as you felt him reach deeper and deeper inside you.</p><p class="western">You both knew you had to try to contain your cries; you were outside and the boys weren't far, after all, and anybody could have heard the sound traveling on the wind. Nevertheless, it was becoming harder and harder to contain yourself. You squeezed your eyes tightly shut, so taxing was the effort to remain in control. Your arms had wrapped around Ignis' back, grip like a vice on his leather jacket. He was able to smother his moans into your neck… you had no such luxury.</p><p class="western">You bit your lip, hard, trying to stifle the whimpers escaping your throat. Suddenly, your whimpers turned into a sharp gasp as you clutched hard at Ignis' back, digging your nails in.</p><p class="western"><em> <b>Oh Astrals! </b> </em> <em>Oh gods...! </em></p><p class="western">The slow burn had abruptly turned into pain, as Ignis reached a point inside you that was definitely not ready for his size. He immediately stopped, swiftly lifting his head to scan your face with worried eyes.</p><p class="western">"Dear? Am I hurting you...??" His eyes darted back and forth frantically all over your face as he tried to assess how badly he had hurt you.</p><p class="western">Your mind was racing, trying to process all the contradictory thoughts and feelings running wild in your head. It hurt, but the pain… it set off <em>fireworks</em> in your brain and sent waves of pinpricks rolling over your skin, all over your body.</p><p class="western"><em>How should I answer him…? </em>You just stared into his emerald eyes, continuing to wince. He looked more worried by the second.</p><p class="western">"Y/N…??" His eyes kept darting around your features, his usual analytical coolness nowhere to be seen.</p><p class="western">
  <em>Uhh… oh… oh Shiva… uhhhh…! </em>
</p><p class="western">"NO… YES– NO…!" You blurted out.</p><p class="western">Ignis' worried expression was now colored with obvious confusion. He began to pull away from you; he wasn't taking any chances.</p><p class="western">You felt him start to withdraw from you and suddenly clawed harder at his shoulders, holding him in place.</p><p class="western">"NO, JUST– PLEASE… DON'T STOP.” You gasped, desperation in your voice. "I… <em>need</em> you… I've needed you for… a long time…"</p><p class="western">You shuddered in partial disbelief at your own candor. You never thought you would have had the courage to get to this moment, to confess so openly.</p><p class="western">Ignis stared at you with wide eyes, stunned again. He paused a moment, lips parting slightly, chest starting to heave, breath quickening.</p><p class="western">"..... <em>you have no idea how long I've needed you</em>." His whisper was loud, breathless.</p><p class="western">"... longer than I can bear.…."</p><p class="western">At that moment… something in Ignis seemed to snap.</p><p class="western">You felt his grip under your knee and around your waist abruptly tighten – then he actually let out a low <em>growl</em> as he resumed his pace, steadily pushing further into you, except this time, your gasps and cries didn't stop him. He simply muffled them by crushing his lips into yours, his face hot as fire.</p><p class="western">Your knuckles were white, fists tugging at his jacket by the time he had buried himself inside you to the hilt.</p><p class="western"><em> <b>Oh gods Ignis! </b> </em> <em> Oh fuck…!</em></p><p class="western">Your mind exploded in a shower of dizzying sparks and you saw stars behind your clenched eyelids. You could feel <em>every </em>last inch of him, stretching you to the limit, so… unbearably.... deep.</p><p class="western">You should have been more careful what you wished for.</p><p class="western">He was all you could feel, drowning out all other sensations. Thank the Astrals he allowed you the mercy of simply holding himself in place, not yet moving, waiting for you to adjust. His forehead was now pressed against the side of your face, the warmth of his breath on your neck making it feel as if Shiva herself was running her fingers up and down your spine.</p><p class="western">"Just… breathe, darling… <em>breathe</em>..."</p><p class="western"><em>Good gods… </em>That baritone drawl of his was so godsdamned sexy you could barely stand it. So intoxicating it was, you found your breathing involuntarily obeying his every gentle command.</p><p class="western">You began to relax despite yourself, ragged breaths slowing and steadying with each husky whisper in your ear, tensed muscles gradually loosening.</p><p class="western">Soon the pain finally faded, giving way to… you couldn't even find the words to describe it. All that remained was that delicious feeling of being stretched, filled to the brim and the depths.</p><p class="western">"Are you alright, Y/N...?"</p><p class="western">You nodded sheepishly.</p><p class="western">Ignis could feel your tenseness easing, that it was finally okay. He began to move inside you – you let out a gasp as you felt the drag of flesh against flesh; you felt just how hard he still was despite patiently waiting for you this entire time.</p><p class="western">The fit was so tight, you could feel the friction pulling at him as he drew his hips back from you. Then… he thrust forward and– your fingers released his jacket to bury themselves into his sandy blonde hair, clinging to it while you tensed and clenched around him inside you.</p><p class="western">Shudders ripped through your entire body as he pulled back again, then pushed forward again, and back, and forth, back, and forth, and again and again and again.</p><p class="western">With every thrust it felt as if he reached deeper inside you… you didn't even know how it was possible.</p><p class="western">His pace gradually quickened, his breathing becoming heavy and more labored in tandem. You were covered in sweat now, and you felt drops of moisture drip from Ignis' face onto your chest, cool by the time they hit your skin.</p><p class="western">You were now jerking violently up and down against the tree; you felt the cries bubbling up in your chest every time he hit that deepest part of you, like a switch that sent electricity coursing through your veins.</p><p class="western">You were both unraveling, coming forcefully undone – layers of inhibitions falling away one by one.</p><p class="western">Now Ignis lifted his gloved hand from behind your back around to his lips, frantically pulling each finger of his glove off his hand with his teeth, finally pulling it off and whipping his face sideways to throw it to the ground from his mouth.</p><p class="western">His bare hand moved to caress your face, his thumb brushing softly over your parted lips again; then his elegant fingers moved downwards to ever so lightly graze your breast for a fleeting moment, before reaching around behind your back again, this time under your shirt, to hold onto you for leverage and to protect your skin from the friction against the roughness of the tree.</p><p class="western">His palm was so warm on your back… and left a trail of fire everywhere he touched you.</p><p class="western">"....<em>ohhhh….."</em></p><p class="western">A half-moan, half-pant escaped Ignis' lips, and he hastily buried his face again into your neck.</p><p class="western">By now he was slamming into you at a furious pace; with every push and pull you distinctly felt yourself stretching and contracting around every inch of him. The tension was building inside you so intensely that the only way you could even attempt to keep quiet was to stifle your cries with your hand, biting down on it. Meanwhile, Ignis was panting so hard against your neck that it was wet from his breath.</p><p class="western">Your knees were weak, legs starting to buckle; if not for Ignis holding you up, they would have collapsed underneath you.</p><p class="western">All your muscles were winding up tighter and tighter as you got closer and closer to the edge. Your mind began to fall into a whirlwind of frenzied thoughts; a desperation began to fill you that overwhelmed any higher processes in your brain.</p><p class="western">All you knew at this moment was that you desperately needed him to destroy you from the inside out.</p><p class="western">"Iggy… Iggy please… I need you… to hit me... harder…"</p><p class="western">You were begging now in breathless whispers, the mere thought of which would have left you in any other moment blushing and burying your face in your hands. But now – now you didn't care; you were incapable of caring as the only thing in the universe that existed at this moment was your need for Ignis to slam into that deepest part of you until you couldn't take it anymore.</p><p class="western">And he did. He obliged immediately, gentleman that he is, but you knew that it was in no small measure an impulse of his own. You could feel him approaching the precipice as well, his grip on you tightening ever further, his breathing becoming heavier still and quicker in tandem with the movement of his hips.</p><p class="western">Your eyes were clenched tightly shut and you were being jerked up and down so hard that you had no sense of anything beyond the feel of him against you, inside you.</p><p class="western">Then, finally… he sends you careening over the edge; your one hand clamps as tightly as it could over your mouth, while the other releases his sandy locks to tug desperately at the leather of his jacket.</p><p class="western"><em>Ohh……fuck…. </em> <em> <b>fuck…</b> </em> <em>! </em></p><p class="western">Your brow furrowed tightly, your mind exploding. You threw your head back involuntarily as you felt yourself spasming violently around him, legs shaking, biting into your hand so hard you might have drawn blood. Your high came in waves – one, then two, and on the third – you felt Ignis crest his own peak.</p><p class="western">But instead of smothering his moans into your neck as you expected him to do, he surprised you by lifting his face to stare intensely into your eyes, exhaling in pants so loud you would have been afraid that someone would hear… if you had had a clear enough mind to think.</p><p class="western">But you couldn't think… at all… about anything other than the awe you felt as his eyes lit up again, more brightly than you had ever seen, the crimson glow so intense it lit up your face as his hips stuttered and his parted lips released his beautiful, breathy sighs.</p><p class="western">His grip on you tightened fiercely, as if he were hanging onto you for dear life… then you felt a warmth fill you, once, twice, and once again.</p><p class="western">After the third time Ignis slowed, catching his breath. Panting, he rested his face back against your neck, and you finally heard him speak – a breathless whisper.</p><p class="western">".....uhh...… <em>my girl</em>……</p><p class="western">…..thank you….."</p><p class="western"><em>Ohh… shit. </em> <em> <b>Oh shit</b> </em> <em>.</em></p><p class="western">That breathtakingly gentle, husky Tenebraen drawl sent you over the edge – again. This time there was no fluttering buildup; it hit sudden and hard, more intensely even than the first time. You clenched and convulsed so tightly that you thought you would break yourself from the waist down; the thought crossed your mind that you might actually be hurting <em>him</em>.</p><p class="western">For a split second you caught Ignis staring at your face with an almost wonder-filled expression, the glow in his irises slowly fading as he came down, before you clenched your eyelids shut and threw your head back again. But this time, it was so intense that the last strand of self-control and rational foresight disappeared from your brain, and you lifted your face to the sky and opened your mouth–</p><p class="western">"<em><b>Oh GODS Ignis!!</b></em><em>"</em></p><p class="western">Your exclamation was unbridled, unheeding of any need for discretion. You couldn't think, didn't care who heard, who knew that Ignis Scientia was making you unravel, tearing you apart in this godsdamned Lucian backwood.</p><p class="western">.....so much for being discreet.</p><p class="western">Wave after wave washed over you; every muscle in your body tensed so tightly that your limbs shook. It took a minute, but when you finally came down, spasms subsiding, you realized that you had once again dug your nails into Ignis' back, <em>hard</em>.</p><p class="western">You unclenched your fingers immediately, senses returning. You quickly placed your chin on his shoulder and wrapped your arms around him.</p><p class="western">If you were honest, it was mainly to hide your face from him and avoid his gaze… now that you had both returned to Eos from your highs, you could feel your shyness returning with a vengeance.</p><p class="western">You clung to each other stiffly, both afraid to move and look the other in the eye.</p><p class="western"><em>Oh shit….. I can't believe I just did… </em> <em> <b>all that,</b> </em> <em> in front of this most genteel, sophisticated man… how am I ever gonna be able to look him in the eye again?</em></p><p class="western">You both stood there in silence a moment, nothing but the sound of your still heavy breathing in the air. Ignis finally gently lowered your one leg back to the ground, backing away from you slightly.</p><p class="western">Just as you were beginning to get nervous about how you were going to break this awkward silence, you felt Ignis nuzzle his nose into your neck. He gently pulled you closer again as you felt him breathe you in, deeply.</p><p class="western">Your entire body relaxed immediately. There was such intense affection, care, and attentiveness in his touch… you breathed out a deep sigh.</p><p class="western">Then suddenly, something unexpected went off in your brain. You remembered everything you had been through together – how deeply you had yearned for him without ever believing he would be yours; just how brightly that fire in your chest burned every time you saw him smile, the way he looked at you. How breathtakingly gentle he was with you when you needed him; the fear and desperation you felt when he nearly died to protect you, when you came so close to losing him.</p><p class="western">And after all of it, he was finally here, in your arms – at this moment, he is here, he is safe, and he is yours. It was so overwhelming that tears welled in your eyes, then began streaming down your face.</p><p class="western">Ignis noticed you shaking and quickly pulled back to look at you, hands on your cheeks, worry in his eyes.</p><p class="western">"What's wrong, Y/N? ...Did I hurt you….? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry… Did I hurt you my dear…?"</p><p class="western">You were sobbing at this point, emotions piling one over the other. You struggled to answer him, to let him know it wasn't his fault.</p><p class="western">"No... I'm just so... overwhelmed... I'm– I'm so... so–" you couldn't get the words out. "I'm so–"</p><p class="western">And then, Ignis' eyes softened, the worry dissolving from them as realization seemed to settle in him. He pressed himself against you; you felt his heart beginning to race. Sighing deeply once more, he pressed his forehead against yours as his lips parted to finish your sentence in a husky whisper.</p><p class="western">"..... so in love with you…"</p><p class="western">You were so stunned that you stopped sobbing momentarily, eyes wide, staring at him. It only lasted a split second, however, before you broke down again, nodding frantically, sobbing and hiccuping like a toddler.</p><p class="western">"I– I love you... so much... I've… I've always loved you..."</p><p class="western">An unbearably soft smile broke over Ignis' face as he watched you for a second, then brought his hand to the back of your head to guide your face into his chest. He held you in silence until your sobs subsided and you were calm against him. He pressed his lips against the top of your head.</p><p class="western">"...we should really think about getting back, shouldn't we, Love…?" You nodded timidly against his chest.</p><p class="western">"Wouldn't want to get caught in the dark out here… and I think you deserve a nice warm bath after today."</p><p class="western">All you could do was look up weakly into his eyes, beaming.</p><p class="western">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p class="western"> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Let's end this on another song. </p><p>You are his only exception. ❤️</p><p>"The Only Exception" – Paramore</p><p>https://youtu.be/Od4lqvQmFV8</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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